I've been feeling uninspired.
Like really uninspired.
And by that I mean I haven't been creating as much as I would have liked this month.

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It's November.
I should have participated in NaNoWriMo and I actually had started a project but... I felt uninspired. I stopped after the first couple of chapters. I should have taken more pictures too, but I simply didn't have the time because school is apparently more important than doing what makes me feel like I am a functioning part of society, like I am doing something that actually has a purpose.

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But I've been feeling uninspired.
I mean, kind of. I've written a lot of half-good poems. But I'm not happy with what I've created.
So I decided to write an article about it.
An article about how I've been feeling.

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I'm uninspired, or maybe I'm too lazy to sit down and write, or maybe I'm too burnt out. It's like there's something that's sucking all of my energy out of my body, like it's eating it.
Breathing is hard.
I always feel like my phone battery is 2% and I have to get something done and I don't have a charger. Or maybe I'm the phone, constantly with low battery, constantly worrying about the void I will be eaten by once the electricity that powers me runs out.

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It's like I'm in a dream, everything is in black and white, the trees are burning and I'm chased by something. Every time I turn around or look over my shoulder, I see nothing. Yet I know I am being followed by someone, by something, that is going to hurt me. So I continue running, running and running, loosing my breath and feeling nauseous when I run past a tree in flames. Its warmth is sickening, it's a hot wave that seems to want to push me over, to make me trip.

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And then I'm inspired, I have many thoughts that I'd like to express. But I can't put them in words because when I try writing about it, it flees away from my head, just like I try to escape the presence I feel behind me.

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There's no conclusion to this dream. It continues for as long as I run, it repeats itself every time I take a step forward to make the distance between the presence and me bigger. I haven't tried stopping. I fear what would happen.
Or maybe nothing would happen.
I have

Maybe I should try.
What would I lose? Well, you see, as I have no idea what would happen, I can just speculate. And I'm really negative, therefore I always thing that the presence is going to eat me, to ingulf me in a dark hug.
Sometimes I think I might lose myself.
And it is scary, just as the darkness used to be.

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my name is Caleb, I'm an Italian ordinary guy that loves writing. You can find me on my Instagram: @/xappuxxino


You can read other stuff from me here:
xoxo, remember to smile