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I wrote this a long time ago, like 3 or so years ago so i dont really like the writing style because I've changed, but I just felt the need to post it. I owe it to my past self. BTW 3 years in terms of writing for me, is a long time because I'm constantly growing every day.


Sirens and Veils

The veil that protected my frail heart from the wolves of this world
Was finally non-existent in your presence
I found comfort in your arms and took advantage of that with our award winning hugs
I found safety and reassurance of our love in the words you spoke
I gave you as much of me as I could without shattering my values
But I guess that didn’t work out
Was our love itself not enough for you?
I guess not, and because of my unveiled heart, it took me a long time to realize that
Your answer was right in front of my eyes the whole time, but I was blinded by our love and couldn’t see our relationship for what it really was
Our first kiss happened in the same hour you asked me out, that should’ve been enough
You didn’t waste time huh
The sirens should have cried, but I was new to all this so I ignored the distant beep
This was the beginning of a pattern that no person should face
We were walking down the stairs, I needed to go home knowing how much my mum valued time.
Down and down we went, these were the steps of a girl who was falling into a trap she didn’t dare imagine, a veil over her eyes.
My backpack is biting into my back, I wonder what our relationship will be like? I need to go home now or my mum will give me a lecture-

All of a sudden

Arms wrapped around me from the step below me interrupting my train of thought. I thought this was just going to be a hug so I hugged you back and stared over your shoulder thinking what the time was when suddenly your lips smacked against mine. I was so shocked and kind of angry that THAT was going to be my first kiss. He didn’t ask if it was okay or look in to my eyes or listen to me saying how much I need to go home.
I didn’t count that as my first kiss so I said my second-first kiss was going to be way better and at least a little romantic and instead of him coming at me out of nowhere and kissing me, we would share the kiss because we both wanted it and not just him.
It was the same month you asked me out when we went for our trip. A lot had happened on that trip. From the time we boarded on that bus to the time we came back.
Was our love really not enough for you?
You just had to go and enter my hotel room and place me between your legs without a thought as to whether I wanted this to happened. I wanted to run and leave you there to get caught, I wanted you to leave, I wanted you to listen to me, I wanted you to stop but at the same time I wanted you to love me for me and not for what I had, I wanted you to be happy, I wanted my first boyfriend to actually like being in the relationship. And so in that moment when I questioned your love for me I remembered the night you gave me your sweater to sleep in, the time you placed your hand on my tummy coz i had cramps and didn’t have my hot pack and I numbed my emotions and let you do whatever to me. If I could go back in time to that moment, I would slap myself for the stupidity running though my veins but then again it was all in the name of love right?
Now is when I realized you used me maybe without even knowing you were, because this wasn't the only time and it wasn't the last time. You told me to stop trying to fix something that wasn’t broken (referring to the relationship) but you failed to notice that all along the relationship was breaking me.
If I had stayed, I would be nothing but a thousand shattered pieces and you just a happy man. Cradling the pieces in your hand, obsessed with trying to piece them back, all the while, turning them into dust.