Sometimes, I don't really know what I be thinking about.
I find myself questioning a lot of things recently, like,
Am I suicidal and in denial. Because, I think of a lot of suicidal things and just think what if, like what if i try to kill myself but I survive, but at the end of it all I don't think I'm suicidal, it's just a what if thought.
Half of me is always eager to see what happens if I actually do what my mind is thinking, but then the other half of me knows that suicide is not the answer and it's not something I should participate in and it's especially something I can't do to those around me, those who have done so much to help me in life in whatever aspect of life it may have been.
Sometimes this overwhelms me and I can't help but think about the people who are actually suicidal 100%. It must be really tough feeling like that and fighting that fight.
It aches my heart that they personally don't think that they are worth it.
It's hard to even think that they don't second guess it, what's so bad, what hurt them so much that they can never see the bright side in life, they can't see any ounce of happiness for themselves at all, they feel nothing for themselves, and they feel like they'd be better off dead.
I can't wrap my mind around it, but I hope some, most people that are suicidal find great people to surround themselves with, someone to give them worth, someone to add to their worth, someone to make them want to live.
However, it would be unfortunate if they find a great person and they still proceed with self harm, imagine how damaged that person could be after that, after becoming a part of that person's life, and they didn't think you were worth it, or good enough to live for. It's sad.. But I've been thinking