Mostly dark with streaks of light,
too much of a mess,
too many thoughts,
laying astray…
I need some closure.
Look there it is that ray of light,
lost and then found and then lost again.
Finding a way to connect billion of these pieces,
with the lyrics of songs playing all along,
there are times these songs calm my demons and make them cry,
but mostly they just add on to the mess,
yet I still listen ‘coz for once, my demons do the same.
I am distressed…maybe am thinking too much…but all that I know is I don't want to feel like this anymore.
too many thoughts,
laying astray...
I need some closure…if not anything more.

Guilt.Disgust.Hatred.
that's what I feel, maybe with the essence of happiness.
too many things i feel sorry for..
too many things I try giving them my all.
but who am I to fight against this brutal killer, called life,
‘coz I am just a pawn in its whole wild game,
just a pawn..it won’t mind breaking and crushing into pieces.
There are times when death seems so pleasant,
that i weep and break down and then with a “swish!”, I get a brand new scar.
my heart is so fucking scarred, that it feels so hollow,
the blood all stored in one corner, no wonder there are times my heart feels heavy…
maybe am going crazy.
please, someone, help me…
‘coz…
too many thoughts,
laying astray...
have pushed me out.
and called in my demons.

Mom says there are devils, meant to be worshipped,
but why should I do that, when they are so evil?
Mom thinks they control my life, make me more prone to all the bad things in life,
Dad just says I need to do better,
mom accuses dad and that makes me sad.
she doesn't seem happy but nor does my dad.
weren't they supposed to be happy?
weren’t they supposed to stay hand in hand?
weren't they supposed to figure things out?
isn’t that one thing adults are meant to be good at?
what happened to all the experience they rub in our face?
what happened to, ”I love you’s” and the strength they behold within?
wasn't this bond just meant to get stronger?
wasn’t all these years meant to have mattered?
that makes me ask, why do we marry?
and there, don’t you see- just a piece of what I hold within.

My wings have been chipped, so I have no way to soar high,
I am damaged and a living hazard, dear one…
So thou shall not wait here listening anymore…
go walk away..oh dear one…
you are just a curious passer-by.
but haven’t you heard that “curiosity killed the cat.”
so I warn you, dear passer-by,
forget what you saw and just walk by,
“coz,
there are just too many thoughts,
laying astray...
just don’t pick any and just walk by.