Today was a good day.
I almost didn't cried at all.
Everything seemed brighter today.
Everything was okay until my breathing went faster, my hands started to shake, my ears were ringing, an urgent need of running away and shouting out rushed through my body.
Everything would'vd been fine, If I didn't have had to hide in the bathroom stall, push my hands against the cold wall, breath in, breath out. Repeting to myself: "it's fine, you're fine".
There was a strange feeling deep in my chest, and I still don't know what it is.
I guess I'm just desperate for you.
Where were you? You always helped me out through things like this.You used to calm me down, tell me that there was no need to stress out, relax, I'd make it out of it.
The thing is, I have to remind me this things to myself now.
I can say those things to myself, I still have me.
I'm starting to realize, that maybe my friends are right, maybe the things you did to me weren't right, maybe it was time to walk out.
I'm afraid, though.
I'm afraid this is just a flicker of well being and that tomorrow I'll crash down again.
I still miss you, I'm missing you like crazy.
I keep your voice on repeat up in my head, what you said to me (although I'm aware your words were filled with resentment), when you were saying goodbye.
I still think of your smile, and it still crushes my heart.
But I'm convinced that I'll be fine, just not today.