Hi,
I would like to share my experience of dealing with heartbreak with you. Some of you may find it useful. I am unfortunately quite experienced in this field, so you can trust me! However, I am not a psychologist, so in case of serious issues, please reach out for professional help! (Excuse me in advance for my bad English, it’s not my native language, so there will be some weird grammatical and spelling mistakes for sure!) In my opinion dealing with heartbreak is a progress, it is tiering and sometimes lonely, but if you are determined enough, you can learn some very important life-lessons, and improve yourself! Let’s see how it goes:

Step 0: Let him/her go!

This is a MUST! You can’t heal yourself, if you keep the person, who broke your heart in your life, in your heart and in your thoughts. At first it seems to be mission impossible: you create imaginary scenarios, how he/she will come back to you/will apologize/confess to you etc. You think, that you can go on with him/her by your side, but trust me: you can’t. You have to accept this fact: You are not meant to be together, not today, not tomorrow… never. It feels like you had a big, devastating storm in your chest, and a permanent explosion of thoughts in your mind, and you think, that the only solution is to go back to the state it was before your heartbreak, but you are wrong. Let him/her go! Don’t talk with him/her, avoid him/her. This is the most painful part of the whole process, but if you can take this step, you will be able to improve and set yourself free.

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Step 1: Let it hurt… for a while!

1000+ things can cause a heartbreak: break up, unrequited love, even a betrayal of a close friend can make you feel, that your world is falling apart. The first step to heal your heart is to admit your loss, and mourn it. Cry as much as you want! Scream! Don’t let the pain consume you from inside, let it out! Don’t try to oppress your feelings, let them come to the surface, and try to understand them. I like WHI, because it’s a neat tool to express my feelings with pictures. I look at pictures, what I currently hearted and I can see more clearly what I fear, or what makes me sad. Search pictures, which describe your state of mind, or your current mood, and then ask yourself “why did I choose these pictures?”, “Is there a motive that comes up over and over again?” Maybe you will understand more your feelings. You can think about your pain, but don’t forget: this is only the first step of a long and instructive road! You can take a swim in the lake of self-pity, but don’t drown in it!

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Step 2: Drawn the lesson from your story!

This step is hard to take, and maybe you will fall back to step 1, but don’t worry! You can always stand up and try again! (btw I haven’t seen anyone, who went this road smoothly without moving back to previous steps sometimes) You have to be honest with yourself: you have to consider what lead you to this situation? Did you choose the wrong person? What could you have done better, or other? Nobody’s perfect, everyone makes mistakes. Even if the person, who broke your heart was a complete douchebag, you can think about what you could have done to avoid this painful situation: why wanted you to be with that person? Why didn’t you realize, that he was not right for you? Were you afraid of being alone, so you rather chose the wrong boy/man? During monitoring yourself you have to always KEEP THIS IN MIND: your mistakes don’t define you! Don’t think, that you are a bad person, just because you made something wrong, or because you made a bad decision. Realising your mistakes makes you smarter and facing them makes you stronger! This time is for self-building, and never for self-destruction! List the things you have learnt during this time (about yourself, about relationships, about anything), you will feel smarter! 😉

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Step 3: Spend time with your loved ones!

Family and friends stay always by your side. If you need advice, help, or support they will be there for you. Make a lot of program with them, go to cinema, go to party, have fun! Sometimes you will be lonely, even with their company, but don’t let this feeling separate you from them! Concentrate on the love and support you get from your friends and family, and try to take care of them, listen to their problems carefully, make sure, that you give the same attention to them, that they give to you. Caring about other people helps you to keep away your thoughts from your broken heart, and it can help to heal it.

Step 4: Time for a new challenge!

Set a new goal for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a big, or spectacular one, just challenge yourself. By concentrating on this new goal every day, you can keep away destructive thoughts + you can prove yourself, that you are strong, and you can fight for something, what is important to you. After reaching your goal you will feel more self-confident!
• Try a new sport
• Try to improve one of your creative skills
• Start to learn a new language
• Cook something new every day
• Read more books
• Start a blog
Remember this: You only have to compete with yourself, not with others!

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Step 5: Be open to the world!

This is our final step, also a difficult one. You have months of progress behind your back, but you may still remember the pain your aching heart caused to you. I don’t say, that “don’t be afraid”, or “everything is going to be fine this time”, or “the love of your life will find you soon”. I am pretty much afraid every time I come to this step, but in spite of every risk of pain and disappointment it still worth it to be brave! You can never know what kind of wonderful story is waiting for you (even if it will hurt you), and how many wonderful people you can meet. Pain is the part of our life, that makes us who we are, so try to learn from it every time! The only thing I can say to you: Use your experience, know yourself, and be yourself.

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