she asked me
"how could you possibly feel worse than i do?"
how? how could i?
my heart is laid out in pieces in front of her, broken on the concrete where she left it
and how
how could i possibly feel worse than she does
when i broke not only my own heart but so many others trying to hold on to a feeling that always slips through my grasp
when it feels like every heart i have every broken breaks inside mine
and it seems all the pain every single girl has felt bundles up within me
how? how could i feel worse than she does?
when i ruin every single relationship that "could have been" and i'm left with the endless fountain of what if's when she has every single question answered
how? how could i feel worse than she does?
when my hands run through my hair because the words don't come the way they used to
when they shake with the screams i never let out with all the anger
all the fucking anger,
all the "why me, why me?"
"why can't things work?"
"what did i do wrong?"
how? how could i feel worse than she does?
when every single person i care about leaves and leaves me not lonely, but alone, while she's moved on and in the arms of another
how? tell me, how? how could i feel worse than she does?
when all the memories, all of them, are tainted with the feeling of abandonment and anguish.
pain and misery.
heartache and loss.
tell me, please someone fucking tell me, how, how could i not possibly feel worse than she did
when her hands are intertwined with another
and her feelings have shifted from me
with her heart belonging to another
and my heart still in her hands
my heart still in the hands of every other girl i've loved
how, how could i feel worse than her?
when her heart is healing
and mine is laying cracked on the pavement
where she stamped on it and shattered it for the last time

all the girls i've loved before

(i wrote this about a boy who broke my heart & so many others)