I went through a lot during the last summer and this autumn. I went through pain, loneliness and sadness.
I can't imagine how I would have survived this period without him. In this period, he was everything, then he became nothing. He replaced me, with someone so unknown to both of us, someone that one day came from nothing and stayed, someone that dared to interfere between us. It took some days to realize that I was broken. I spent days without laughing or even smiling, without talking to him, without being the usual me, I no longed recognized myself. I started looking for a new source of pain, self-harming. I felt pain, not for him, but for my blood, that gently poured out from my veins and fell in the bathroom's sink. I still keep a hidden blade in my room, I don't really know why. I became closer to the one he felt hate for, without meaning it. While he was still with her, he no longed wanted me as his friend, because I confessed him, during September, my feelings. I knew I did wrong, that I shouldn't have, that it would have compromised our relationship. I acted impulsively and without thinking about consequences. That costed me a lot. I ruined everything. But that's not all.
After my "confession", this person, suddenly intrude into our lives. She did not mean to do that but she shouldn't have. He tried to convince his parents to visit my city and meet me. As you can understand, he did not succeed. He lost hope and gave up on me. Why? I still ask myself why did he gave up on our friendship and started looking for a new one in that girl that he randomly talked to and left me alone. I was devastated. He broke me. And then we completely stopped talking and looking for each other like we used to during August.
I was looking for comfort and the one he hates came to me, but we wouldn't have become so close if it wasn't for him, it's only his fault.
He found a new one to talk and laugh together while I found a listener to talk about my worries and horrible feelings.
He suggested me to not frequent him for some time, but it didn't go as we planned, because he came back.
Maybe he realized what he lost and seeing it in someone else's possession was painful. I know what he felt, the only difference is that I let him go, while he wanted me back. How egoistic of you, my dear. But it made me realize that he felt something that it was growing out from his heart, made of pain and love, like a flower in bloom.

Now we are together, happy, there is still something that worries me but he always tries to make me smile.

I love you with all my body and soul.