ik nobody is going to read this but like i just need to express my feelings somehow because i dont have anyone to talk to. So i have a crush on one of my closest friends like i almost think that i am in love with her. The time i realised that i have a crush on her was a little less than a year ago in a pancake shop when we jokingly went in for a kiss but i became a panicked gay and pulled away before it happened. Also i litteraly realised maybe two weeks before that, that i wasnt straight. It was all a lot and her giving me mixed signals just didt help.Like she often held my hand, we called each other "my wife", i often played with her hair. On her birthday this year she was like talking into my neck and also was like jokingly bitting my shoulder i mean she was tipsy but i was not. She said and did lots of other things that i took as signs that she might actually like me and then after all that i have to see her make out with a guy and hear rummors about her dating some random guy who i maybe saw once. I know that she also isnt straight. She said :"whoever i take home a guy, or a girl or whatever". Ir just hurts that one day she acts like i mean the most to her and like she wants to be with me and the next she like completly ignores me. I just dont know what to think anymore. And the probably worst thing is that i cant tell anyone. I cant avoid her because we share many of our firends and i could not explain why i am avoiding her to them. Well wish me luck because im going to see her tomorrow again. xxx