We've all been harmed by someone in one way or another — something caused us pain, we were hurt, hearts were broken.

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And keeping in mind that this type of experience happens often, once in a while that pain stays for too long. We relive the bad moments again and again, as it gets more difficult to give it up.

This kind of pain causes issues. It makes us be miserable, as well as destroys relationships with friends and family, distracts us from important things, makes us hesitant to open up to other people. We often get caught in a cycle of sadness and hurt, and forget about the beauty of life. It becomes hard to see, because we’re so used to resisting.

We have to figure out how to heal the wounds. We should learn the capacity to forgive, so we can go ahead and start moving on with life.

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Forgiveness can completely change you. As difficult as this is, it’s an ending, but also a beginning.
Forgiving someone does not mean you drop the past, or overlook what has happened. It doesn't mean the other person will change their behavior, thoughts, actions — you can't control that. But the only way you can bring back joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. Your heart must be filled up with love and kindness, so you can move on to a better place.

In case you're experiencing some kind of emotional pain, hurt or blame, read on for a few things I've learned.

𝚁𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐.

You wouldn't do it in a day or perhaps not even in a week. It will require investment to get over your hurt. So focus on expressing the pain the hurt made you feel. It's okay to get angry and yell, eat junk food, watch TV or find other distractions. But try to find more positive ways to cope with the stress and anger: start exercising, reading more, writing in your journal.

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𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚜.

I don’t think it’s a healthy thing to hold a grudge. What purpose is it serving besides causing you anger, stress and anxiety? The disadvantages of refusing to forgive and holding on to hatred are numerous. Think about it. Does it influence your communication with others? Does it influence work or family? Does it prevent you from improving? Does it cause you misery? Now think about the advantages of forgiving — how it will make you more joyful and carefree. Forgiveness is the ultimate revenge. Indifference is the ultimate insult.

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𝙰𝚌𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎.

In each minute, you can make that decision — to keep on feeling terrible about someone else's actions, or to begin feeling better. Your misplaced anger has no impact on the person you despise. They don’t know it, can’t see it or feel it. You can't control them, and shouldn't attempt. But you can control your actions, as well as your thoughts. You can quit remembering the hurt, and move on. Forgiving someone is the best way to take back your power.

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𝙿𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚎𝚜.

Attempt to understand why this person did what they did. For example, consider the life the person lived that led them to this action. Why did they do it? What could have forced them to do such thing? Are they frustrated? Is there something wrong going on in their life? This is difficult to do. I am not at all saying that we should justify everybody’s behavior or we should forgive everyone. That is completely your call. I just want you to see that, as humans, we all are flawed.

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𝙵𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐.

I'm not saying that you should feel responsible for the hurt you experienced, but if there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for, take it as an opportunity to learn. What could you have done differently next time? What did it teach you? Were you able to avoid it, and how can you keep it from occurring next time? I'm not assuming your fault, or removing responsibility from the other person, but not everything in life is black and white.

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𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝.

Focus on the present. Whatever happened is in the past can’t be changed. It’s over. You can't fix the past, but you can try to make today the greatest day of your life. Take your focus back to the present minute. What are you doing now? What would tomorrow look like if you let go of the past today? Don’t be the victim in this any longer. Begin a gratitude journal that will remind you of the beauty around you.

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𝙴𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.

Give harmony a chance to enter your life. Do not feel pressure to stay in a relationship with someone who hurt you. Forgiving doesn’t mean you need to keep that person in your life. Make a little space in your heart for new things and people. Do something for someone else. Create a balanced life, where you feel calm, safe and motivated. When you are living with balance, you are living with peace and harmony every day.

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𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙 𝚊 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝.

Forgiveness is a long process, so be patient with yourself. Do it when you're ready and don't push yourself into doing it. Forgiveness is a choice that will bring you closer and closer to feeling the peace, hope, and joy. I want you to be begin to think about it and how you can incorporate it into your life.

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"𝙱𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚐𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚞𝚍𝚐𝚎. 𝙸𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎." – 𝙻𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚊 𝙰𝚍𝚊𝚖𝚜.
Feel free to share your feelings below. Let me know if there is something special you'd want to read about.

Much love, Paulina.