"Are you leaving because you want to go or is it because you want to run away from all the shit that happened to you?"
He asked me that in the middle of May and I can't seem to find a way to get his question out of my head. I had no answer back then. I'm not sure I even have one now and I'm already here. 11 hour flight away.
The more I thought about it, the more I was leaning towards the "running away" part of the answer. All I know for sure is, that in one exact moment of my life I knew I had to go. But I don't want running away to be a part of my life. I don't want to be known as the one that runs away when things get hard. And things got pretty hard back then. Even more... They got serious.
But on the other hand, after being here for a while, I can't help but ask myself "Is running away suppose to feel this good?" Because I don't feel that bad anymore. I feel good. I feel like I belong here. And maybe this isn't running away after all. Maybe this is coming where I actually belong. Maybe the year when I wasn't in the CIty was the actual runaway. Where I met the one I love though.

So here I am. Torn between the CIty of my dreams and potential love of my life. Still not being able to give him an answer about leaving the country.
I feels kinda stupid though. I need to stop searching for answers and go for whatever the hell my heart wants at the moment. And whoever is not willing to do the same does not deserve a space in my life, to be honest.
We were two people, both tragically damaged, who decided to heal each other and fell in love. But what if that was it? Where do we go when we're happy? Because if someone was about to ask me the last question... I would probably reply with "New York CIty" and not his name.