(sorry for bad grammar, I'm from Denmark, but I hope that you guys can understand anyway)

Call me a fake belieber, I don’t care. Tell me that I don’t deserve Justin, it wouldn’t be the first time. This is me, heartbroken. That’s exactly how it feels. I’m heartbroken. Hurt. That I’m selfish and I don't want Justin to be happy. That all I do is thinking about myself. Say it. I don’t care anymore. First, when you're in my shoes, you can judge me. Since I was 10 Justin has been my entire world and now I'm 18. The feelings I have for him is so strong and intense like he's my boyfriend. I know it sounds crazy, but that's how I feel. Maybe it's weird, I know that, but my feelings for him has always been like that. Like I'm in love with him, even though I know I don't know him personally, but I feel like I do. And if I could choose, I wouldn't be feeling this way, because at the end of the day I'm the one who's broken and hurt. I've never had a boyfriend, but this feels like the most terrible breakup I can imagine. That's the reason why I've always hated seeing him with other girls, no matter who it was. Selena Gomez, Sofia Richie, you name it. But all the times he has been with Selena I've been broken, because of their on/off relationship and because I knew how much he loved and cared about her. So I've been having a hard time with Selena and the only reason why I didn't like her that much, was because of him. Because she had what I didn't have. Justin. My entire world. She had his love and now Hailey has it. And I hate that I sound so selfish because I don't want to. I wish so badly that I could be truly happy for him, but I'm so jealous and it breaks me. I wish he was mine, but at the same time, I wish I shouldn't feel this way, because at the end of the day I'm the loser and the one with a broken heart over a guy who doesn't even know me.

My point is: I want to be happy for Justin and of course Hailey too, I really do and hopefully one day I am, without feeling sad about it. Maybe in the future, I have my own boyfriend, so that I don't get sad about Justin, but right now that seems impossible. He's now married to Hailey and seeing him happy and so in love, kills me slowly. And again, YES I know I should be happy for him that he has found the love of his life, but I can't control my own feelings. And seeing him with another girl, holding hands and be kissing, everything I wished I could do with him, makes me feel like he's unfaithful to me. It sounds so crazy, because how can you feel about that when he's only an idol? I ask myself the same question, but that's how I feel. I haven't chosen to feel this way. Believe me.

So imagine this: You have a boyfriend and you guys have been together for many years. Since you were very young. There has been no other guy in your life than him. But suddenly he starts cheating on you, kissing with other girls. He forgets everything about you and you can just watch him love someone else, but your feelings are still the same and you wish you could do anything to get him back. You don't like the girl he's with, because she has the one thing you haven't: Him, your entire world. That hurts like shit. And that's exactly how I feel. It hurts so fucking much. And the fact that he's probably soon going to be a dad and everything destroys me even more.

At the end of the day, I'm happy for him. I'm happy that he has found the love of his life, that the's married and everything, but damn, I'm hurt. It feels like someone has been stapping a knife directly into my heart and I'm tired of crying over him. I love him very much, yes, but I wish I could just see him as an idol and nothing more.

If you have been reading all of this, thank you so much. I really appreciate it - and again, my grammar is far from perfect, but I hope you guys can forget about the mistakes and understand what I mean. If you feel the same way as me or in some way can relate, feel free to text me. Peace out. xx

Nynne ♡