We Were Both Young When I First Saw You
I remember scrolling through Tumblr and finding this really unique beautiful blog. The girl who wrote it obviously had been through a lot of heartaches, but she didn't let it control her or stop her from being positive from searching for something more. I didn't know her but I felt like somehow we were already connected, through feeling if nothing else. I'm not a shy person but I'm cautious, I've been burned a lot, so I hesitated to reach out. I went back and forth in my mind many times before I finally got the courage to press send...
Little Did I Know
Once I decide something, once I move forward there's no turning back because I only move forward when I believe with my whole heart and I believe in you. When we first started talking, long letters and analysis and deep understanding, I felt close to you right away. I could tell, in a way, that you felt the same but you were scared. I remember thinking here's this beautiful (YES YOU) amazing girl who is so very brave in sharing herself and her thoughts with the world and when someone shows her kindness and acceptance she's so very afraid. You call me your Snow White and I kept feeling as though I was coaxing a timid animal to make friends. Animals are so gentle and pure but when they've been hurt they become so uncertain and I felt it was the same with you. That didn't stop me from smothering you in affection! It was even more important to make sure you knew how incredible you were and that I wasn't going anywhere, that my love wasn't forced or faked and though sometimes I felt shy I always made myself tell you those things anyway because you needed to hear them...
And YOU are my new best friend
So Close Your Eyes, Escape This Town For A Little While
We grew so much from the first new buds of trust. Little by little you told me your story and we spent long nights (and days and sometimes 24 hours lol) asking each other questions. There were colors and fantasies and games but there were secrets and old wounds and honesty too. At the beginning while I had been in retreat from the world for a long time because of my pain, you had retreated in your own extrovert way with having a large circle of friends a lot of whom were superficial and not worth the time and effort you put into them. I remember you saying that you'd never had someone you could be both silly and deep with, that you're friends always seemed to want one or the other or a certain side of you and I just let you be yourself.
Save Me, I've Been Feeling So Alone
I've fallen down rabbit holes of pain and depression several times and I was so scared that I'd lose you. In the beginning, I almost wanted it to happen already because I knew I'd only grow closer to you over time and it would hurt more later. But time after time you showed me that there really were no restrictions or expectations in your love for me. The only thing you wanted or needed out our friendship was me. I'd never had that before and I can tell you at first I was really uncertain what to do with it if I could keep it, if it was real.
You Never Have To Be Alone
When we made it through the darkest of times, we became something more than even friends, we became sisters.
I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of us.
It's A Love Story, Baby Just Say Yes
I'll admit, sometimes I feel like I'm not worth the love you have for me, that I'm not truly the person you think I am, the person you look up to but you're always there to reassure me to push me to tell me you believe in me. There is nothing as precious or meaningful to me than the way that you not only see who I am but you believe in a version of me that I aspire to be. You're certain that I am that good, that I am important and worthy. I never had a person who has unrelenting untiring faith in me but you became not only my champion my cheerleader but my little sister. Someone who sees the best in me, who never backs down on their support of me, who defends me against the most vicious of enemies even when that enemy is the darkest voice in my own head or heart. We both know those are the cruelest monsters and you're never afraid of mine. You get so angry but never at me you get angry for me righteous and protective, passionate and fearless.
When I look at you I'm so awed and inspired at the person you are, the person you continue to grow into and become. You're bright, briliiant, quick-minded, so intelligent, thoughtful, caring, firey, and brave. You have such a pure heart, you're so gentle and kind not only to those you love but to each and every child you come across to any soul in need.
And when I see anything hurt you, when I can feel your pain or your tears halfway across the world and in a different time zone there is nothing and no one that can stop me from trying my very best to tear to shreds anything that dares to touch my little sister.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you and I am always, always going to be here cheering you on in your triumphs, being so obnoxiously proud of all you accomplish, being your shoulder to cry on, your ear when you need to rage and vent or scream in frustration, the one you can laugh & sing & dance & cry & mourn & breathe & fight & be alive with, the sword and dragon that will slay any monster from within or foolish mortal peasant on the outside.
Songs I Listened To While I Made This
- Better Place by Rachel Platten
- Heaven (Little by Little) by Theory of a Deadman
- Flaslight by Jessie J
I love you my conquering butterfly, my beautiful breathtaking angel of a little sister, beyond forever and more than always
