...I miraculously find my way home. Heart shattered, spirit desolate. Your name appears on my phone moments later. I still feel that swell of happiness even though you have shown me otherwise.

"I might regret this one day," he says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because one day I may regret not having you by my side. An attractive, nice, smart girl like you."

That's when I discover I have the power to freeze time. Because nothing is more powerful than my sorrow. I become the most selfish person in the world because that is how profound my hurt is.

My therapist once told me that I should feel so blessed.

"Why?" I asked through a veil of tears.

She smiled at me warmly, so warmly.

"You have the gift of feeling (loving) so deeply and one day, the person on the receiving end of it will also be blessed."

"Its a double-edged sword though," she cautioned, "because until you find that person, you may give this gift away to someone that will not value it."

She was a ray of sunshine for telling me this, but sometimes I wish I could feel less. Enjoy life the way most 21-year-olds do. Be a little more hedonistic like most 21-one-year olds are. But I reject it in favor of wanting something more. I don't seem to ever learn. I stubbornly wear my rose-colored glasses everywhere. Perhaps it is how I cope. Maybe it is because of my youth that I indulge in such naivety.

I suppose you think I will blame myself, hate myself. Project all of this shame, rejection, and hurt on myself. The truth is: I don't. I will not pretend to be innocent, but I also know I am not worthless. I tell all of you lovely people to always love yourself and be confident. For that you have made me famous. And even though I am hurting, because I have fallen in love with myself long before this happened, I am content. I will never lose myself and my mistakes have challenged me to love myself even at my worst. I meditate on these feelings and realize that I am bulletproof. I wield intelligence effortlessly without constantly needing to validate myself. My beauty is unique, and I somehow manage to represent all of my 15 ethnicities. I am divine and radiant in every way. No one can tell me otherwise and I reflect on all I have been blessed with. I do not wish to look, act, or think differently.

And so, my dear readers, you cannot fully overcome a heartbreak unless you love yourself first. Doubt and self-hatred should not be your first reaction to heartbreak. Take the opportunity to acknowledge your pain and then feel triumphant. Do not think it is your fault, because if someone does not love you the way you love yourself, they become a burden on your heart, mind, and soul. Do not think you are not pretty enough, because you and I are motherfucking baddies. You have your own DNA, looks, personality, style, mindset...and many more countless one of a kind traits that no one can physically take away from you. Don't let them even try to take it from you mentally when they are already powerless. Finally, do not, do not, do not think you are not good enough. Beyonce once said: "I wake up looking this good and I wouldn't change it if I could and you can say what you want I'm the shit..."

Temporarily removed fun, music, and actor image

So if you don't want to take my words of wisdom, take it from Queen Bey! She is explicitly empowering us to love ourselves every moment of every day. Its okay to hurt and cry! I am doing so as I write this. But even though my three day old hair is tossed up in a bun and my face is blotchy and puffy, I can still proudly look in the mirror and say, "I am motherfucking beautiful." Get in the habit of doing the same no matter what you look like because you are mermazing. You wield endless power. You do not need to change. You simply need to love yourself and this will allow you to cope with your heartbreak. The #1 person who loves you is in the mirror.

You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way. ~Richard Bach
Seraiah✨
Seraiah✨
@staraiah  
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Stay Mermazing,
Seraiah