I always have had this feeling that I was different. Just a few weeks ago I got my diagonse and instead of hating this label that they gave me, I loved it. Maybe this sounds weird to you, maybe you hate getting labeled, but not me. For years I blamed myself for being weird, that it was me who was wrong and I didn't understand myself. I hated myself for it.

I always have known I was different. I always felt everything so deeply and it hurted so bad. I always have had this fear for being left, so I never really got close to anyone. I can get very angry, so angry that I lose controle and no matter what I try.. I can't controle me. I don't really get just sad, I get depressed. It is hard to understand myself and I never really felt like I was myself. Whenever I looked at myself, I dind't feel like it was me staring back in the mirror.

Not knowing there was a reason for this, I broke myself down. I think that that has been the hardest part.

I am not afraid to wear this label. I am proud of it. Because this gives me so much peace. I understand myself so much better. I am not mad at myself anymore for being who I am. It also made it easier for others to understand me. I finally can explain myself to others.

Also, people have this habbit of making an personality disorder look bad. Like we are weird, but we're not. Besides the bad things that I feel or who coma along with my disorder.. I have a lot of good things too. I am a very caring person, I care so strongly for others that I am always there for them and I never leave. I can feel love so strongly, maybe even in a way 'normal' people won't. I am a good listener and I have this great ability for ampathy.

I came from far, from a drak place, from sadness, madness and anger. But maybe now I will be better, I already feel so much more peace in me. the personality disorder that I have is called: the other personality disorder specified. It means that I have symptoms of mulitple personality disorders. I do need madication to regulate my emotions. I do feel them like 10000 times harder and deeper then 'normal' people. I am curious how I will feel if I take them. I am curiouw how 'normal' people feel their emotions. We will see.

If you out there have an personality disorder or any other disorder.. then I want to tell u to never be ashamed of who you are. I want to tell you to embrace it and try to love it. It is a part of you and maybe even the best part. Never be angry at yourself for being who you are, or sad. You deserve the world just like any other person. There is no 'normal' in the world.

People define normal, god didn't. Create your own definition of normal, a good one, one who makes you happy

m.m.a