It's been a month with me and her. I can't help but feel appreciative. What's sad is that I don't think she realises how much it means to me, a month of her saving me from my agony. Yet, she doesn't seem to remember it has been a month, maybe it doesn't mean much to her.
The reality hurts, keep pricking me from now and then, that's why I need a getaway, an alternative for me to get off of my mind. I need someone for my heartache, to remind me how life is worth to live for. Is she a beacon of light? A beacon full of mystery? A beacon that guides me to darkness? She perhaps taught me a lot for treating someone right, but she brings me worries and insecurity about myself too. I've always wanted to be the best for my partner, try to make them feel loved and wanted in any time of the day. But I can't help but feel that it's not enough, loving her is like going through a nice, long walk on the beach, but loving her is also like running on prickly sand, trying to act normal, bearing the pain that one day nothing will last.
Antidotes are supposed to save you right? Save you from reality, save you by giving you some extra time to relax. But for me, it gave me life and memories, but at the same time, relunctance and doubt. I want to be with her, but she is not ready to be with me. Maybe one day, she will realise that she lost me.