my biggest fear is disappointing others.

in german, the word for disappointment is 'Enttäuschung'. this means as much as un-delusion. i believe that that word sums up my problem very well: disappointment results from the falling apart of a delusion that has been previously created from expectations. there have always been so many expectations towards me: i have to be smart and get good grades, i have to be nice and helpful and i have to be happy.

and i try so hard to fulfil these expectations: i work hard at school. i help everyone. i smile.

but the truth is: i am not any of those things. i dont always get perfect grades. i dont know everything. i dont like everyone. and finally, i am not happy. i cry. a lot.

i will disappoint people in my life. i will mess up some major things. i have to come to terms with that.

i am not perfect