How do you tell someone that the real reason why you can't go out is because you're terrified of eating? That the thought of having to order food high in calories and eat in public sends you straight into an anxiety attack? How do you say that you really want to go out but you can't because you believe you look like a fat hideous creature and are embarrassed by your appearance?
How do you tell someone who you're just beginning to know that the reason why you don't pick up the phone when they call is because you hate your voice and are terrified of judgement by it? How do you tell someone that the thought of having a voice conversation makes you run and hide?
How do you tell someone that you haven't been replying to their messages because you've spent the last two hours making yourself sick? How do you tell someone that its not work that's making you tired but is rather the self-inflicting damage you cause your body on a daily basis? How do you say that sometimes your vision turns to black & grey and you can't see any colour?
How do you tell someone that you don't want to take pictures because you know that seeing yourself will send you straight to the mental institute? How do you let someone know that pictures are your worst fear, your worst enemy, the reason why your eating disorder began in the first place? How do you say that you don't like photos because you don't want any tangible memory of how you look?
How do you tell someone that the real reason why you're so quiet is not because you're shy but because you're terrified of judgement so bad that it can make you stutter? How do you tell someone that you appear withdrawn not because you're "anti-social" but because sometimes depression bites down on you so hard it takes everything for you to even be out of the house?
How do you break through this publicly fabricated version of yourself to show the real you - the you who's free of her insecurities and anxieties and illness?
