ASOS, Missguided, Pretty little thing - PLT for the people in the know - you are the purgatory for clothes and we cannot stop shopping. From the never ending, ever changing street styles to the baby pink, unicorn packing that we snatch from the hands of the hermes delivery drivers who arrive between 11am - 1pm. you are the new high street clothing gods and to you we bow down in our nice top and jeans.

step 1. watching a youtube haul and hello brand new clothes that you know you wont look like the 18 year old with the model body but you cave and click the link in the description box anyway - usually a affiliate link so also do 30 seconds of begrudging them making money from your wardrobe

step 2. they paid how much for a top? they really are living off that youtube money

step 3. wow are you sure this is the same piece they’ve styled it so differently I’m sure it’ll look i a lot better in person (hindsight it never does)

step 4. think to yourself ‘this is going to make my wardrobe - ill wear it with everything’

step 5. usually its not in your size or is in your size but not in the colour you want, so you have a choice size bigger or smaller

step 6. you read the reviews all 5 stars apart from one which says it looks like a sack, its not the colour it looks on the website and it smells terribly when you take it out the packet but we ignore that review and pop the size up in our basket because its “small for size”

step 7. now they’ve got you you’re trapped. you start with the ‘buy the look’ section below the item. Do you really need the jeans and shoes they’ve styled with? is the rehortical question you ask yourself as you add them to your basket.

step 8. you can go scroll through the website for days, 8 pages of going out dresses yes please! wishing i was one of these Instagram models I’m adding all the new street styles to my basket as i go - cycling shorts, body con dresses and sock boots galore

step 9. we really don’t realise how dangerous online shopping can be. is it real money if its not exchanging hands, I’m answering no and sticking to it

step 10. the purge of the shopping basket and the online checkout. any sensible person now will look at the shopping basket and decide you do not need 2 light grey knitted jumpers to go with the 3 you have at home but its usually about 2am and you just want to change your life which starts with you having a new wardrobe and these jumpers are much nicer than your original ones and will go with everything so we’re keeping them

step 11. scramble frantically for discount code. opening all these dodgy websites trying anything that vaguely resembles a discount you spot a 50% off code but when you input that into the checkout is NOT VALID, ISNT THAT THE MOST ANNOYING SENTENCE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.

step 12. code BABE20 works, you finally get 20% off and you've saved a fortune

step 13. still have to pay for delivery - daylight robbery

step 14. order complete - screenshot your order number just in case you need it and maybe send it to your friend with clothes haul as the caption

step 15. the flutter of excitement you get when you receive the dispatch email - thank you the gods for next day delivery at £5.95

step 16. rush home to rip open the packing which you forget you’ll definitely need to use to send the mistakes back and end up having to use a whole roll of sticky tape to reseal it - sorry returns team

step 17. hey alexa play feeling myself by beyonce because i am looking fine. Ive brought a magic dress and its turned me into Kimmy K. quote mum saying “arent you going to be freezing”. no mum a hoe never gets cold” inspirational words by cardi B herself.

step 18. you try on all your outfits and youre beaming like a cheshire cat, you think to yourself i could definitely be instagram famous - get me a brand deal

step 19. okay the haul has been so successful you did promise you’d return all of it but we just wont eat for week and the money will balance itself out. you return the size 8 top you convinced yourself you could squeeze into.

step 20. drop it off at asda and wait for your returns to roll in so you can start the whole process again.

Happy Shopping!