Right now, I feel so much hate inside of me. I’m not used to that kind of feeling; usually I’m a passionate woman. Usually, I work hard to enjoy each glimpse I get of the world and to be grateful for every morning I’m blessed enough to wake up again. Usually, when somebody tries to tear me down, I give them an extra cheeky smile and scream “Fuck you” inside of my head.

But right now all this doesn’t seem to work. It feels like no matter in which direction I turn to run away of their bullshit I hit another wall. I get frustrated and this frustration turns into hate before I can stop my feelings from changing. I think I reached a final point where I’m to hurt to just ignore my problems. I’m in too deep, my chins barley above the water to get at least some of the needed air into my lungs.

But it’s my own fault. I crashed my boat all alone, because I’ve chosen the wrong path. Nobody forced me into the shit I’m in, I just felt like I had no choice. But now I know that you always have one; but I recognized this way too late. So I guess this is it, my final choice, the only I have left. Do I fight or do I flight?

heaven and sea image

As some of you may have read in my last post, my life's a bit of a chaos lately, so I barley write anymore. And eventhough it breaks my heart, I just don't have a lot of word left to say right now. It often feels like my brains completely empty at the end of the day. Just thinking straight is a challenge for me at the moment. I hope you still have patience with me, I really try to concentrate on writting more often again. Thank you for reading my works!