"Boring." The one word that could cause my whole persona to crumble down to my feet where nothing but dirt and dust kept it company. It might've been the way she unknowingly avoided being by me because I wouldn't contribute to her daily laugh count for that day. It might've been because I was the wallflower that failed to experience the perks of being a wallflower. Or it might've been the way that countless of people overlooked me as if I was thin air, waiting to be scattered over a wider square foot of mass.

Or maybe,

It's because I didn't have the courage to be my own person and be accepted. I wanted to be what I was not at the moment. I wanted to be on the other end of the spectrum where I would be the first person they invited to a party. I threw the drawn-back and timid girl in the closet and threatened that if she made an appearance, that it would be the end of the painted reputation I managed to fabricate. And sure, along the way, some qualities stuck with me for the better, and some were latent traits that I had before that I had refined and polished. However, the curse I planted and have led to consume me now is the curse of being afraid that I will be boring to others.

I'm afraid to be myself because I don't want people to think I am boring and associate me with "no fun." I don't want to be that person where people say, "I just don't feel refreshed being with her." I wanted and still want to please everyone I talk to. I shoved my true self in the closet and am paying for her curse now. But isn't everyone like that? Everyone wears a mask. Some wear it on just the eyes, some wear it on just the mouth, some wear it just to have fun, some wear it because they want to hide something, some wear it because they have to. That if they don't wear it, life will turn against them like a virus, ready to impale them.

Thus, this curse is leading me to act in ways I hate. A self that grew in me. One that I wish I put away in the closet instead of my young self. This new self wants attention. Doesn't want to make anyone bored. The mission is accomplished if the listener is always laughing. Even if some are left out, as long as I'm still keeping the mood up, it doesn't matter. This is the curse. The curse I hate. The curse I will change.

It's okay to be boring
So what. If you're boring then that's better than being with an annoying person. Being with a boring person at least give you rest, whereas being with an obnoxious person causes you to grit your teeth. And besides, you can't please everyone, so embrace your boring side and the people who stick with you will truly like you for you. They'll want to be with you for you.

They may all be laughing with you at the moment but talk bad about you when you're gone
Yeah, loud is fun sometimes at the moment. Making people laugh, causing a commotion... it's all entertaining but can lead you into looking like a fool with no filter. Beware.

Listen more than you speak
Everyone wants to talk. Be different and sit back and listen. It's okay to have pauses. It's okay to be quiet. Listen and care about others more than yourself. Don't have a pride complex that wants to spill everything about you. BE HUMBLE.

Do not be louder than the hosts of whichever place you visit
It's not your territory, so don't bark. Showing etiquette in little situations goes a long way. Respect others and their property via the sense of speaking.

Sit back, and relax
Be chill. Don't get overworked on topics. Show genuine interest, but don't overdo where it is overwhelming for the other people. Remember, other people's reactions to different news or topics may be different.

Talk about topics that everyone in the group can relate and talk about
It's not fun to be left out and you know you wouldn't like it if everyone else knew a topic while you knew nothing about it.

Some honest opinions are better off not saying
Even though you wanna seem genuine or honest, real. Don't go off sang your opinion strongly on everything. It's best to stay neutral. Not by being a pushover but by being able to fancy both views and positions to a certain topic or debate.

This was just me processing and filtering out my thought process. Even though this is specifically tailored for me in my social situation, I hope that through my reflective article, that someone was and is able to gain a simple life lesson that I am currently learning the difficult way. Always feel free to DM me.