I don't know how to live without simultaneously unraveling

I look down in horror and disbelief
as the skin around my wrists unravel
I keep peeling and pulling,
hoping I will stop unraveling
while at the same time
not realizing
I am my own undoing
stop pulling and peeling

Will I disappear?
The more I peel away, the more I think
I'll uncover a truth about myself

The unraveling feels painless
at times I do not realize I even do it
In class, at the park, with you

During panic attacks I dig my nails into my skin
but the unraveling feels painful when I try to force the panic off
because
panic cannot be peeled off
it lives in my blood