I know that I live a good life.
I know that I should be happy.
I know that so many people have it worse.

But darling, what I don't know is who am I?
Am I happy? Yes, sometimes.
Am I sad? Yes, most days.
Am I loved? Yes, deeply.

I saw a post about being a contradiction that I related to very very much.
I want people to think that I am "the strong girl"; I want someone to notice how broken I am.
I want to live a spectacular life; I want to end my life.
I want to be happy; I think of things that make me sad.
I hate my body and my personality; I feel confident and love who I am.
I am lazy; I am ambitious.

My life is a whirlwind of chaos, it doesn't ever stop to let me breathe.
I am drowning, but I can see everyone around me breathing.
Please help me. How does one do life?