You watch me take a gulp.
You look wary but smile as I turn to face you.
You tell me the alcohol is for me and her. You will watch us.
She grabs the bottle and chugs for many seconds, then giggles.
Should I be giggling too?
I grab the bottle and mimic her, throat burning. I giggle but something feels off in me.
I push the feeling back and take another gulp.
This is my reality, but nothing feels real.

I watch myself from the corner of the room as the night plays out.
"Haven't you had enough?," I want to yell at myself.
I watch myself down shots while pretending to smile.
I watch as I transform into the sad creature that shows itself after too much alcohol.
"Stop," I say halfheartedly. She won't hear me, nor would she have listened.
"Stop," I yell to the three of them. Stop, I don't want to watch anymore. Stop.

This article kind of represents what a flashback feels like for me. The bad nights I wish I could take back, the reckless decisions, thinking nothing bad could happen if I act nice to people. I wish I could tell the younger version of myself, bad things happen to good and bad people. Life doesn't care if you're "good".