What happened to her? She asked herself. When did this happen, even though she knew the answer. She was no longer who she was, what she thought she was. She was no longer the girl, who fell in love with a new boy every other day. What happened to that girl, the girl who fell in love 50 times a day? Where did she go and most of all why did she disappear? 

With so many jerks breaking her heart, she trusted no one, not a single soul was worthy of her love and affection. After the heartbreaks and misery, the girl who once believed in love no longer understood the idea of it. She no longer cared or even wished for love. The years spent by wishing she had the love her friends had, has disappeared. The feelings of needing to love someone had gone. She no longer cared about anything, or rather anyone. She couldn’t let herself fall back into that troubled hole of despair which some people call love. Her thoughts of love had taken a 360 turn. She now saw love as a trap, a trap which only preys on those who truly deserve it. And she did not, she did nothing to deserve it and therefore believed she had to prove herself to find love. For years she loathed the idea of love, a relationship, a soulmate. She didn’t believe she had one, she didn’t think she deserved one. Her feelings on being in a relationship turned extremely cynical, when she saw how badly everybody’s else around her was falling apart. She couldn’t imagine being in one, with the problems, fights, miscommunications. She never saw the positive sides of being in love, the happy side, and most of all she no longer saw love in a positive light. Love was just another 4 letter word to her, like scars. 

In a million years that girl would have never imagined falling in love. She would have never imagined herself writing what she is about to write – the boy who made her believe in love again. The boy who made her understand what love is, more than a 4 letter word. It’s about understanding, loyalty, honesty and the most important thing- friendship! Love was no longer a feeling she didn’t deserve, but rather an emotion she deserved to feel. He made her understand her self-worth. She couldn’t believe her eyes, how that one boy had made her see life in a completely different life. He made her look forward to every single day of life. The transformation of her feelings and thoughts of love had again come a full circle. Even though she didn’t want it, she didn’t want love for the first time in her life, love found her. He made her believe in the idea of soulmate’s, in someone being there for you forever and always. He made her get over all her fears of broken promises and empty words. He said the I love you like he meant it and she hoped he would always say those three words like he meant it. She never wanted this to end, even though she knew it’s inevitable that everything good comes to an end. She wished and hoped and prayed to a god she didn’t know existed or even listened to her to never stop letting the boy love her. She always wanted his love, till whenever he could give it. He changed her perception, her idea of love and made her dreams a reality. He completed her. From a girl who adored the idea of love, to a girl who hated the thought of being in love to finally a girl who fell in love.

Alas, all good things do come to an end. A terrible end, but yet an end.
He left her, broke all the promises, forgot all the memories. How would she survive this? Would she survive this?

She would survive with an empty hole, scarring and piercing her heart. A hole in her heart that she knew would always be void, because of her reckless first love. She had lost her first love, or rather he had forgotten his. She knew better things were to come, but she did not want to let go of the betrayal of her first love. She did not want to believe she was all alone again, she did not want to admit that he had lied to her. She wanted to forget him, erase every single memory and delete all the lying conversations, promises and photos. His memory and the 12 month relationship was so painful that she had to obliterate it from her memories.

She vowed to never make herself vulnerable again, to never tell a living soul all her secrets and fears like she had told him. She was scared, broken, vulnerable, wounded, and he left her in pieces. Pieces she could not pick up.

She was back where she started - no longer believing in fairy tales and the idea of love.