Today I´ve thought much about love. The type of love that´s between two people who feel something more for each other than they do for anyone else. I «fell in love» for the first time in summer, not the type of love thats like «Hey, you, over there, the guy with the cute smile, I like you..» But we started dating and one thing lead to another and we ended up calling each other boyfriend girlfriend. I’d never been in love before, so I didn’t knew what love really was. I had cried over boys earlier, but only crushes that... well thats complicated. So I met this guy, and little did I know I would end up feeling so much for him as I do today. About 1 months into our relationship I thought I loved him, and I did... He told me he did as well.. We loved each other... But I didn’t quite understand it as much anyways.

We’ve been together for about 4-1/2 months know, and for about 1-2 months ago, I remember staring into his eyes while we were laying next to each other watching Netflix. I just started watching him instead of the movie... Then I suddenly realized I was blinded by love. Real love. I could sit there and stare at him for hours. He was so beautiful, his flaws is what I love the most, and his beauty is was calm me down. It was a wonderful moment for me, because it hit me what I really felt/feel. His ocean blue eyes, his blond messy looking hair, it all suddenly melted together for me. Every time I look at him I only see beauty from the inside and out. Fuck, I´m so in love that I’m even sitting here writing about it... Well its an experience for me that I’ve never felt before, and its amazing. I don’t know why I was so scared of it at first..

It scares me that we are only 17 and young. Will it last? Will we ever break up, and then find someone knew and fall in love all over again? Will I end up marring him, or another strange guy that I haven’t even met yet? My friends keep telling me that I should prepare for a break up son after school is over for both of us. It hurts to think about, I wonder if he thinks about it?

I look at my parents and see how not in love they are as 40 years old... Its sad to see that they WANT to be with someone else and that they want to get separated. I don’t want that, ever... But that’s life isn’t it?

Ohh... Baby, can’t we just get married when we´re 80 and die knowing it turned out to be us all along?