I am the type of person who just stands still while the world is having its play. Like my lips are sealed and my body is stone. I am the statue on the stage. It feels like something is constantly holding me back. There are hands on my chest that are pushing me back in the shell, and I cannot break that layer of stone to finally speak my voice and become center of attention. I think I am just scared to do it.
It does not matter anyway; I will just continue to lie to myself that I am fine like this.

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I guess that is the reason I loved to dance. For a split second, I got the chance to tell my story. It was a feeling of adrenalin rush every time I was behind the curtain and the moment I would set foot in front of the audience I was free.
Now I dance on my own where no eyes can see me and I do it rarely. I have feeling I got bad at it since I have not done it in a long time and I am scared that feeling is true so I do it just for me.

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It is similar with talking. I feel that more I keep quite the more I am losing parts of myself. The problem is that I was quite for so long that I ran out of words to say. I feel like I do not know anything anymore.
I was always a great listener and my power was to have something smart to say in every situation… but the thing is- no one will ever find out that fact about me- if it is even true after all this time.
No one likes listeners. It is somewhat ironic since the whole world likes to talk just about themselves. I guess they do not want someone to hear them because then they would run out of things to say. Everyone is talking too much and saying to little. How to say something smart in return when there is a lack of real and deep conversations?

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I want to know what inspires someone, what makes them who they are, I want to hear people’s stories and experiences, I want to help them with their struggles. The problem is that I am the listener and no one ever comes to the listener on its own.

I am scared that I will turn into statue, that one day when someone finally comes to tell me a meaningful story I will just be a pile of stone unable to speak in return.

But still, I cannot let those thoughts to stop me.
As long fear is here I know I am still alive and while I keep breathing I will not let that happen. I will nurture my thoughts by writing them down, I will keep my feelings safe inside my heart so I can understand others and I will keep listening even if no one is talking- even a silence has its voice.

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