some say everyone likes rain because it's really relaxing. some say most of people who like rain are those who depressed. for me, rain is a friend for those who has such depressed condition to feel warm and accepted.

i believe we have that one stage of life when we're afraid of everything. we're afraid of falling. we have so much anxiety and we've become anxious over everything. our mind are polluted and we are scared of ourselves. like, we've lost ourselves. like, we're already dead inside. and nothing, nothing can help us. then you started to cry, thinking about what people told you. thinking about all the toxic words people said towards you that surprisingly affects you damn much. thinking about the future. and you're afraid. afraid to move forward. and you have no clue what should you do to make things better. you have no idea whether you should tell someone about you anxiety or you should pretend like you're okay. you're afraid that people will reject you because they think you're crazy for having such thoughts. you're afraid of losing everyone. so you decided to put this image. image like you're such a cold person, like you don't give a fuck about everything. you make the huge wall so that people wouldn't see the real you. you just want to protect yourself. you just want to hide your weak self. but you're dying. you don't have a specific reason for having all the thoughts but you're just afraid. you're scared for not being good enough. you want to please everyone so they will accept you as a person. you're afraid of hatred. you're afraid of failure. you're afraid of, life. so you think it's better for you to gone, so you don't have to deal with your depression anymore. you're lost. but suddenly you heard the rain drops. and for the first time in your life, you feel like you have a friend, a close friend who comforts you when you're down. as the rain was getting heavy, your tears started to gone. and all you did were staring the rain falls through the window. and your thoughts started to disappear. all you wanted to do is to feel the warmness by the sound of the rain. from that day, rain has become a close friend of your.

jakarta, 10/30/18 - the rain, depression