“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
- Shannon L. Alder
We all have that one friend. You know the one I’m talking about – that one who always somehow manages to make us feel particularly crappy without even trying. That one that always seems to exclude you from group plans. That one who never seems to remember your birthday.
You might have been telling yourself that it’s ok, that’s just the way they are, and maybe they need you more than they’re letting on.
I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to let them go. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. You deserve friends who will always include you, and remember things that are important to you. Sometimes a fresh start is the best way to go, opening up new doors for friendships that will enrich your life, rather than cast a dull grey filter over it.
You might be wondering – how on Earth do I even begin to remove myself from this situation?
It’s not going to be easy, I can tell you that much. But the most important things in life rarely are, and afterwards, you are going to feel so much better.
Step 1: Find a method of making other, more like-minded friends
Whether this is sitting next to someone new in class, starting a new hobby, or even just talking to the other ‘kids’ on your street, this is the easiest way to get started, because it ensures that you have someone to support you through the following steps
Step 2: Begin distancing yourself from your toxic friend
There are a number of ways to do this diplomatically, and without causing insult or offense. Obviously, sometimes these things are unavoidable, but generally-speaking, they aren’t. You can do this by declining more often when they invite you to do things, becoming less active on social media with them, and decreasing the time you spend with them at school/work/whatever places you have in common.
Step 3: If things get ugly, do not engage in any verbal (or physical) confrontation
People usually become confrontational when they are hurt or feeling insecure. It’s a defence mechanism, and is only intensified by a similar reaction from yourself. If the friend you are trying to distance yourself from becomes confrontational, DO NOT under any circumstances engage with them. Obviously, this would not be the desired outcome for the end of a friendship, but sometimes it is unavoidable. The best thing for you to do is to ignore their attempts at coaxing a reaction from you, and remove yourself from the situation.
I know it sounds hard. It is hard. But in the end, it is more than worth it. You do not deserve to have somebody constantly making you feel like you are worthless, nor do you deserve to have a friend who cannot see your true value.
You deserve better.
Love always,
- Brie x
