i bet you know that feeling. the feeling that appears when you're sitting in your room staring at the window with a cup of coffee when it's raining outside. it can be about anything, but somehow the sound of the rain gives us the same warmth. feeling that even the universe wants to hold you when you're sad. like the mother of earth wants to tell you "hey it's okay, go ahead, cry."

one day, i was staring at my window when it was raining, around 5 p.m. suddenly the thoughts about you appeared in my mind. and i could feel the tears wanted to escape from my eyes. i wish i could tell you what you mean to me, i wish i'm good enough for you, i wish you're here with me seeing the rain falling. but i knew it will never happen, never. you're way too perfect, like a beautiful flower in a beautiful garden. while i don't even deserve to be in that garden. i'm so ugly and unwanted and i have so many flaws, that's why i can never show you me. i don't want to show you me. but i still want you. i still want us. i'm afraid that you will leave me when i tell you about everything. i'm so afraid that you'll make distance with me. it's so pathetic. but i still want you.
if i had just a little more courage and stood before you,
would everything be different now?

jakarta, 10/15/18 - the rain, love version