This year I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, and to be honest I was not so sure what that meant. Borderline personality disorder as defined by the Canadian Mental Health Association as   " ... a mental illness that affects the way to relate to other people and the way you relate to yourself... BPD is made up of five groups of symptoms: unstable behaviour, unstable emotions, unstable relationships, unstable sense of identity and awareness problems ".  The diagnosis is typically made in an individual's late teens and early 20's, and is a lifetime disorder however studies have shown with age some of the symptoms can decrease and around 50 years old some people no longer experience any symptoms. Bdp typically comes along with other mental illnesses such as mood disorders, substance abuse, other personality disorders, dissociative disorders, ADHD,  and eating disorders.

With this diagnosis I am better able to understand why I would get manic episodes, and my history with relationships, but also with how I view myself. Knowing I have a personality disorder actually makes me feel less weak and worthless. I've always struggled with the fact I believe I am weak, I would always compare myself to others with or without mental illness  and wonder why I think and act the way I do, why suicide is something I think about a lot as a solution and why I turned to self harm at 15. I am in no way going to let this diagnosis be an excuse for some of my actions, instead I want to be able to learn from those actions an develop better coping strategies. I also  want to be more mindful of my feelings, thoughts that are out of touch with reality, and when I'm feeling  impulsive and to recognize and logically think out my actions, remember past events and try to change my repetitive negative actions.

This article was originally posted on my blog: followrecoveryroad.wordpress.com