and maybe i'm loud
to hide the crying
my crying
that incessantly threatens
to reveal myself.

and maybe i'm loud
to hide my thoughts
which even scare myself sometimes
but even when i'm quiet
and all i can hear is my music
sometimes
the music is too loud
and i can't even hear my own thoughts.

and soon
those voices
of the more talented,
more lucky,
become more familiar than my own
and replace it.