fiction of a mother's undying love

You can never tell from my nude shaded lips, formal outfits, neat hair and plastered smile that I, a mother of two children, have deep and dark confessions that no one will ever know. I do my responsibility as a mother:

  • I wake up early in the morning
  • I cook my family breakfast
  • I drive my kids to school
  • I polish the entire house until it's gleaming
  • I help my children with their home works
  • I tuck them to sleep every night with my husband

To my children I’m the mother they adore, to my husband I’m the wife he was praying for and to the people I was the perfect housewife.

When you become a mother there isn’t really much room for mistakes, that’s why I portray myself as a prestigious woman. I’m never late in carpooling my children to school, I’m always around in important meetings and I’m there whenever they catch a cold. I’m always around when they need me. The epitome of a perfect mother. If being a mother is a job, I would be the employee of the year or so that’s what you thought.

I’m not the admired mother everyone thinks I am. I’m the complete opposite of the epitome of a perfect mother.

I dream about a free life, a stress free journey. That is why I once pointed an emergency gun to my 6 year old boy, who just jumped with joy for he thought it was his toy. I wake up early in the morning to drink a bottle of wine then take a bath for the remaining hours to get rid of the smell. I cook my family breakfast and sometimes wonder what it would be like to put a pesticide in one of the pancakes. I drive my kids to school and think what it would be like to swivel to a bridge and just be done with it. I polish the entire house until it’s gleaming because I have tantrums and I always clean up the messes I make. I help my children with their home works to be distracted by this dark thoughts, but at night every time I tuck them to sleep with my husband I fantasize about choking them with their star covered pillows.

pillow image
could it be?

I am not the mother you think I am, I have dark thoughts and dark wishes. You will see a woman with a family who she adores but all I see is pure insanity because I wonder what if being dead is way easier than being a mother.

mirror and dark image Temporarily removed black and white, road, and palms image black, inspiration, and photo image
a mother's intent
I wrote this years ago, I just wanted to share it.
____xcuse my terrible choice of some words