Everyday feels like a chess game. I sit on a chair in front of a small table waiting for my opponent. When she sits down sometimes she looks at me straight in the eye. Other times, she doesn't even bother to look up from the ground. When her blue -gray eyes looked at me for the first time, familiarity ran through my spine. It was me.I was sitting across from the table.I bet you didn't see that coming. I am an awful chess player. Okay, let me re-phrase that. I don't know how to play chess, that's why is so freaking hard to win. When my opponent is sad, when she doesn't look at me , she just stands there so dead but also so alive. She doesn't make a single move.I've tried talking to her but it seems like she doesn't listen or she doesn't want to at least.She seems lifeless.I feel sorry for her ,maybe at times she didn't deserve the things people did to her.But, maybe she doesn't know what she has been doing to me all those years. She has good days too , i promise. Her good days are my bad days.The chess game feels like a freaking marathon. You bet i hate running.Sometimes i feel like i can win. But then my darkest parts stare arrogantly at me and say : ''Checkmate''. And i thought it was a chess game between two friends. Two -almost -friends. I want to be friends with her but i don't think she really likes me. Some days she calls me stuff like ''stupid'' or ''fat'' or ''not enough''. I guess she can't express herself in other ways. She probably feels alone too. Once, i apologized to her and she started throwing everything on our chess table to the ground. Her screams filled the room with pain and anger . She started crying. I went to hug her , she swinged away from my touch . She felt unsafe. She said i was not her favorite person. I didn't really know why she hated me that much. So i sat there and watched her recollect the pieces of her that were falling apart each time she reached to the floor to pick them up. We sat on the table once again,silenty watching each other . Trying to understand what each other's next move will be. She bluntly said to me : ''I am sorry''. With tears filling her eyes, she got up and left. She was broken. To this day , we don't talk about what hapenned but now i know she just wanted me to reach out for her. Her remarks are not an everyday thing now..She seems a lot happier. She seems like she has hopes. She will leave soon. And as i wait for her to leave , i thank her for all the bad days because she made me hug all the parts i hated about myself. She sents postcards once in a while and when she comes back we actually talk about how we feel. She is happy. And sometimes i think i love her.

(Sorry for any mistakes. This article was really emotional for me. This is my life guys. I wish you all the best. If you need help , find someone please.)