I can't stop crying. I don't have the energy to take care of Aria. I'm mourning Leighton's loss and all of our fur babies. How am I supposed to go on? I've been in bed since the tragedy took place. Raven cleaned up the mess. I don't know how she can handle it. I want to die, too. My doctor says I have postpartum depression on top of all of this.

I'm looking at old photos of our cats and our relationship.

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She sent me this text two weeks into our relationship. I wasn't even caught off guard. I wanted to marry my best friend.

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And this photo she caught on camera. I don't like being photographed, but for her I'd do anything. The first one is me admiring her beauty and the second is my reaction after she told me she loved me for the first time.

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Leighton. How could this happen? I never thought it'd be you that would be taken away.

I was bawling my eyes out now. These are my favorite memories.

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Aria climbed onto the bed. She hugged me. I didn't tell her anything. How could I? I'm a horrible mom. I haven't fed her in days and she hasn't even complained.

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"It okay, mommy," she spoke softly. I was breaking down. This is too much. I pushed her off me and wiped my eyes. She sat next to me with her hands in her lap. I went to the bathroom and did what I knew I had to do. I mixed the xanax with the benzos and washed them down with the rest of the vodka that was on the sink. I filled up the bathtub and got in. All I had to do now was wait.