Hey everyone,

It's been a hard couple of weeks. The phrase "family drama" doesn't come close really. So, if you're struggling, if you're feeling like there's no one on your side, like you just want to run away from it all, then I'm here to tell you, I'm in the same boat baby. I'm here for you. I'm going through the same thing.

I feel like I keep paddling and swimming and struggling against a current, and it's getting so cold and exhausting I don't know what to do sometimes... I fee lost and alone all the time.

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I turn on my music and blast "Head Above Water", and remember that I have a great boyfriend waiting for me in Illinois, I have a paying job, I am getting closer and closer to having the money to go see him for a weekend in November, and most of all I remember that wolves don't give a damn about the opinions of sheep!!!

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My family thinks I'm a failure because I didn't make it into the military. They think I'm too stupid and useless to get a better job than minimum wage cashier. They call my a b*tch, and rude, and awful, and have forbidden me from speaking to any of them. Fine by me. My aunt is so cowed to her husband that it doesn't matter to her how much venom and judgement and harshness and conceited pompous arrogance he slings at everyone he deems beneath him, doesn't matter to her how rude and nasty he is, how rude he is, the mean things he says to me and to my mother (her sister); she just bitches me out for standing up for myself and having an honest opinion, calls me an ungrateful rude bitch, and threatens to kick me out, says I'm being hurtful, but meanwhile her husband is allowed to hurt whoever he wants and no one says a damn thing.

To my family, as they have illustrated it for the last 26 years, I'm just supposed to let people abuse me, according them. I'm supposed to let someone who doesn't know a damn thing about me tell me I'm a failure and weak and a loser. I'm supposed to be compared to an animal they can kick and collar and terrorize. Well guess what?

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This bitch has teeth and claws and knows how to f*cking use them!

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None of them have an original thought, my mother didn't stand up for me, never does. They both just follow him, and he follows some out-dated sexist, chauvinistic, misogynistic, neurotic, tyrannical, elitist manifesto where men are superior and women are stupid slaves and should do as they're told and shut up.

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I will be silent, and avail myself. I will be the things that go bump in the night, working their asses off and proving the world wrong. I will disappear like they want me to, because I am wild and free and stronger than anything they can imagine! I have nothing to prove to these idiots. What I have to prove is for myself, that I know they're wrong and weak and pathetic and know nothing about the battle scars I wear with pride on my soul and skin.

...Wolves are never more terrifying than they are when silent... because that's the moment right before they overtake the creatures who thought themselves superior by number but didn't know how to see what was right in front of them.

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So, my dears, here ends my ranting. Be a wolf. Be brave and fearless. Know your limits and stand by them. Stand up for yourself even when it's scary as hell and no one stands with you. and always remember that the darkest hour comes before the light. And take the advice of a friend of mine: Focus on you! Focus on where you need to be in your life, what makes you happy, what you need to take care of yourself because these awful monsters who try to make you a monster like them are not worth your time, they don't deserve your tears. cry for yourself, not them. And also, you are amazing, and loved and special and talented. You're gonna be ok.