Day 23: A letter to someone, anyone.

I plan to do a letter writing challenge after I finish this 30 day one so I picked someone who did not qualify for any of the letter topics: my dad.

Dear Dad,
I am grateful for the times you have been there, and I try to forget the times where you have not. As a child I looked up to you, as a tween I admired you, and now, as a teen, I sometimes resent you.

I follow you more closely personality wise than I do mom. In some aspects, such as humor and intellect, this is good. In other aspects, such as obsessiveness and uncontrollable rage, this is not good.

As a child I never realized how much danger you put me in. As a tween the danger wasn't there. As a teen the danger has returned, but this time I can control it.

Those many nights you came home screaming, punching the walls, and arguing with mom. I never realized that it was not supposed to be like this. I never realized you had a problem.

That one Christmas Eve when you were two hours late to pick us up for family dinner. I never realized that there was a reason you could not stay straight on the road. I never realized why mom looked so worried as you went eighty miles per hour on residential golf road.

Looking back now, I understand.

Now I understand.

When you went missing for two day we all were worried. You did not answer your phone. You left no note. Mom called hospitals and jails searching for you. When you stumbled in that morning we all knew what had happened. You had thrown away your sobriety. Your son hated you, your daughter was heartbroken, and your wife disappointed. Did you even care?

I will never be enough for you to quit. You will always find an excuse for me to pardon your behavior. Do you even feel ashamed? Do you even try? Do you even care?

Save your excuses,
Ash

{sorry for all typos, if any. i wrote this crying. i know its not the best but its emotionally driven}