just a year ago, i would have described my perfect life as leaving my hometown behind the day i graduate high school and never looking back. constantly on the go, traveling anywhere and anywhere i can. studying something unique and prestigious like international business or Arabic at a university far away. my permanent residence would be in some glamorous city, like Paris or Athens where I pay a sitter to take care of my Siamese cats while i'm away for long periods of time. i break hearts everywhere i go, taking a different lover in every new city. making them swoon for me, and leaving right as they fall in love, returning only when they forget about me just to do it all over again. when i rarely go back to my hometown they would gawk at my Gucci hand bag and expensive porsche as i tell them my wild and stories from adventures abroad...

yeah... that sounds miserable to me now.

i dont know what got into me, maybe it's just sheer reality, but that seems like a horrible life to live to me. i cannot imagine being on the go constantly, living at the airport, spending most time alone, being with people just to sleep with them and not taking the time to get to know them for who they are. it seems like a life that seems beautiful on the outside, but slowly breaks you down on the inside while getting you addicted to the rush of it all.

i love traveling, but after being stuck in greece for two extra days, missing my family like hell, ive realized it's snot something i can imagine doing constantly for the rest of my life. as i looked further into international studies and business, it seemed like just another corporate career that pays a significant amount of money but makes you feel empty inside, as i watch friends and family around me so happy to be in love, it makes me realize i really want to get married.

now, i dont have an exact perfect image of my perfect life, but i do have snapshots that i think would be really enjoyable in phases through out my lifetime.

when i graduate high school, i can see myself going on a journey of self discovery. maybe out midwest with all the beautiful national parks in montana and arizona or wyoming, or maybe doing a service trip to india or anther third world country.i see myself finally dying my hair whatever color i want to, blue, purple, rainbow, then cutting it off and starting new. i see myself studying history and education in college and finding a guy who i want to spend the rest of my life with there as well. maybe he is studying history or education too. maybe hes studying something completely different. maybe he isnt studying at all. but i do know my life will feel incomplete without him once i fall in love.

i see myself graduating and accepting a teaching job at a high school where i can decorate my classroom with soft Christmas lights, have a whole coffee bar for myself, my students, and other teachers to be able to enjoy a pick me up. the desks are arranged in a horseshoe shape, or in small groups where they can get to know each other and feel that the room is an open and safe place to talk and have fun, while learning. i see a quiet little reading nook with bean bag chairs and dozens of books in various genres that students can read and learn anytime they want to.i see myself signing up with a travel company to take students on a trip abroad at least once a year where i can put the history i teach them into real perspective. every day before a test, ill dress up as someone in the unit to ease my student's anxiety and how them how fun history is. i'll take them to learn outdoors when the weather is nice and everyone is tired of sitting in stuffy classrooms all day. i'll put aside academics every once in a while to show my students that good grades aren't everything. we will have deep, philosophical talks about the past, present, and future. and also maybe just laugh together about history memes or make fun of the way i say 'orange'. my students will know in me, they will always have a teacher, a leader, a friend, and family. and i will keep learning alongside my students, inside my own classroom, staying caught up with the new trends and fads, and in another teacher's classroom, working to get my masters and doctorate. maybe i will become a counselor through higher education, or an academic advisor, or a department dean, or a principal. i don't know exactly what my professional life will entail anymore, but i do know i am going to love whatever i find myself doing because i have set aside my ideas that being at the very top is the only option.