How should I just write if I don't even want to be alive right now?

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Have you ever feel like you just fought against a big-bad-something and you got no energy to do what you usually loved to?

Someone called it writer's block, probably because his love was writing. I wonder how it would be to just have a writer's block being super fine with life, with yourself.

I don't just panic in front of a white paper. Its deeper and more complex, more than I can comprehend.

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This happened: me moving on like a ghost, running over school, things to do, nicotine, things I don't know if I need (medicines, silence in my head or just a hugh). I don't know how I feel and what I need anymore.

And then comes the panic, the lack of energy.

But I think I'm sick now.

I've been losing inspiration and nightmares came back in my rare sleeps. I feel like I should see a psychiatrist, but I don't want my family to be involved; also I don't know if it would be the right thing to do.

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The social networks' show doesn't reflect the real state of the body, mind and soul.

This I wanted to say, nightmares are not just nightmares. Panic is not just panic. Sadness is not just sadness, and a writer's block is not just a writer's block.

sorry for this mess, just needed to be honest for once.
my name's Alessia. I write and create. well, I try.
you can find me on instagram and wattpad as @/pensatilibero