There are 4 stages of life, I guess. And today, I’m going to elaborate every single one of them.

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Life number 1

Basically this stage of life happens when you’re in your second grade or just basically a kid. You feel nothing but happiness, or sometimes pain – for example when your parents don't allow you to eat ice cream or something – As a kid, you know nothing but, you know, being happy and cute all the time. Life feels good when you’re a kid, you didn't even have to worry about a thing except missing one episode of one of your favorite cartoon shows. Remember when all you could think of was just having fun at school? With lots of toys and awesome teachers? Yeah until I started my second year. Girls were a big problem. I remember the day when one of the “princess-y” girls forced me to give my hair clips to her. That was really intimidating. But, I got scared, so I gave that thing to her anyway. Lols, I was such a kitty cat. Growing up as kid, was never really confusing, because just like what I said earlier, it was fun and there were no pressure.

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Life number 2

So here we go to the next stage of life. Life number 2, the pre-teenage days. This one started at the age of 12 until 14. Not so innocent anymore, I guess. When I was in my 5th grade, I transferred to another school, and BAAM! I felt weird being the new kid. Everybody does. Being the new kid sucks right? Everybody’s seemed nice and I started to feel comfortable for a few weeks. In this stage of life, I started to believe that girls can be so mean, and I’m not going to lie, It affected me too. They started a rumor about each other and ended up hating on each other, looking back to that now, I feel guilty, and sad. I mean, what’s the point of all of those horrible things? Does it make anyone feel better by turning people down and talk sh*t about them? No. Anyways, I remember being so competitive and sadly, I forced myself to be one of those “glamorous, popular, pretty“ girls without even realizing that was a waste of time! I tried so hard so I could fit in and be just like them. I even left my true friends for the fame. It’s funny how ungrateful I was and how my mind can be unbelievably twisted by the thought of “I have to be as popular as them” without even realizing that I can’t ever be someone else. There were a lot of drama at the middle school, I don’t remember the details but all I can say it was kind of intense. By the age 14 I started to go back to where I’m supposed to be. I found my true friends - the supportive ones - and maybe because I was tired being untruthful to myself, and I was tired of competition. So that day, I stayed back, and enjoyed my best of life.

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Life number 3

Move on to the day I started high school. Life number 3, Teenage days. This one started at the age of 15 until 17. Not going to lie, high school was one of the best moments of my life. I met a lot of different people with a totally different background, and that was kind of cool. High school was fun, I think there were no problems at high school, I was more “me” and no drama. All I can say, I learned from my mistakes, so I stayed back, you know, better stay at my best behavior and comfort zone! Right. If i could describe high school in 2 words, it would be "Comfort Zone".

Yes, there were no wars inside the school but there was a war being held inside my head. You see, as hard as I keep hiding it to myself, I still got jealous to other girls whose more “successful” than me. There were the times when I just lay down and thinking “I'm not good enough”. Also, in this stage of life, I started to overthink about my weight, and how I look. People’s opinion can be my everyday consumption and I swallowed it and it changed on how I see things. I didn’t see any kindness or any positivity in everything. I got mad easily, I blamed myself way too much. The thought of I’m not good enough and I’m such a loser is tragically haunted me. I did believe what society wants me to be.

That time, I wished I could disappear. The eff-ing standards gave me anxiety. I was full of the thought of being perfect without realizing that no one is perfect and that’s okay. I did care about “what would people say” and “is that good?” then I started to do everything to impress people, if I don’t get such a reaction, I’ll be very upset and started to doubt my talent and skills. That was so wrong. So wrong. Why would I care about their thoughts? Why would I try so hard to make other people like me? Again! What a waste of time!

I can never please everyone, I can’t ever make all of them happy. What a waste of time trying to get people’s attention, or trying to impress them just to make sure that I am good enough of what I’m doing. Who cares about what society wants me to be? Who cares if they say I’m out of standard? Who cares? How can I be such an ungrateful person? And aren’t we supposed to be supportive around each other? Supporting other girls? Life isn’t a competition. I have my own time zone so no worries, really. Aren’t we supposed to train our minds to see good in everything? To think before judging and walk a mile in other’s shoes before we speak? These kind of thoughts brings you to the last stage of life.

Life number 4

Clearer eyes life. The not-really-an-adult life. I was 18 when I started to feel confident and comfortable in my own body, I started to ignore the negativity and accept the positivity and trust me, it feels amazing. The other girls are not my competitor anymore, and I am 100% happy for who I really am. I enjoy the road and the ups and downs, I’m not saying my life is perfect now. But the most important thing is on how you handle your bad days by keep being as positive as possible, by being grateful and happy even though your phone died, and you got C on one of your classes, and even though you had a rough week, you decided to be yourself, be honest, and just be happy. You know, when I started to accept myself, be kind, be positive, be true to myself, and love myself, all the negativity started to fade away and people would instantly see something different and special in you. Unexplainable, but that’s because you’re just confident and love yourself. Good luck!

-A