isnt crazy to think that everyone will be happy one day? I mean, dont get me wrong, im sure everyone will, but me, i dont think i will. This is a letter to the man i loved, who didnt love me back. im broken inside, and i cant breath. but to understand the whole story, lets start from the top.

the first day i met you, you were rude, and mean, and you only thought about yourself. i knew that there had to be another side of you, because everyone who had a tough side, also had a soft side but they just didnt like to show it. but i wanted to dig deeper and deeper to get to the core. of course, at first i didnt want anything to do with you, until you came up to me and started talking to me. why? was i really the one that stood out? or was i just another girl you wanted to 'fool' around with?

the next couple of weeks, we started to become a bit flirty with each other. i didnt know what i was getting myself into, but i liked it... a lot. then, the next thing i know, we are messaging each other, and we are really digging deep into our lives. but i could tell that you hated talking about your past. how did i know? because every time i asked you about anything, that had to do with YOU, you would try to change the topic. you would always answer the question, but then change it back to me immediately.

then it was summer of 2018, and i didnt see you, but, we kept on messaging each other until july. I have had enough of texting because i really wanted to talk to you, so i said, "ill be at campus in august, so if you want, we can talk then," you answered saying you would keep an eye out for me. and i was so excited. so everyday for the whole month, i would be looking for you. but you were no where to be found, so i slowly gave up.

then, near the end of the month, you messaged me saying that you werent at school for the summer, but you will be in september. i didnt answer you. i wanted you to know that i was broken, that you hurt me. but i dont think you did know that.

August 27th, 2018 was the first day i saw you since summer. you were at school. i was so excited to see you, and so nervous at the same time. we talked for a bit, but then you needed to go somewhere so i let you go.

Im telling you now, that was the day

i fell in love with you.

i dont know if you felt the same way, but i hoped you did. anyways. ive been seeing you nearly every day at school, and i was the happiest person on earth. i was always in a good mood, and always smiling.

but then, i deiced to start off conversation. it was a stupid conversation, but i really wanted to talk, and get somewhere. what did i ask about? i asked about your birthday. because i thought that you were born in the winter, but turns out you were born in the fall. i wasnt upset, i was actually glad that you told me. but, i thought you would continue the conversation... you didnt.

now i know, that crazy to think that because you didnt continue the conversation, means that you dont care for me. my mom always told me, if someone is interested in knowing you, just like you are interested in knowing them, they would continue the conversation, no matter what the conversation started with, they would drop everything and continue. you didnt.

i went home that day, told my mom everything, and she told me this "he doesnt care for you. im sorry hun, i know you really liked him. but he doesnt care for you, all he was doing was playing games with you,"

now THAT broke me.

not only was i stupid enough to fall for the 'flirting', and the 'being nice' to me, and the 'wanted to get to know you,' i fell in love with you!

you are the reason i wasnt looking at any other guy! you are the reason i couldnt sleep at night because all i could think of was you! You are the reason, jumped into the ocean thinking everything would be fine, and then started drowning for you, when you wouldnt even jump in the water to save me!

you are the reason i am like this.

unhappy, lonely, and most importantly, unloved.

im not saying that i wont fall in love again. im sure i will, but i wont be in love, like i was in love with you. thanks to you, i will never love like i loved you.

but i guess that what i get, when i fell in love with someone who doesnt love me back.