If one thing I´m certain about is that I used to be more confident about many aspects in my life. Always sure about everything, every single action. Because that´s me... or that´s who I used to be.

But now many insecurities developed, or just... appeared. Cause from one day to another I began to feel lost... unsure.

"Do I look ok? do people think I´m stupid? What I´m saying is right? Should I... Should I not?"

And I just can´t figure out why everything suddenly changed.

I could blame it one the hormones, or in the fact that venus moved into libra, or because I´m so fucking in love.

That´s something I´m sure about at least, that I´m deeply in love with someone who helps me a whole fucking lot.

But still either reason, ir maybe all of thm together make me feel scared about the futur, my future.

Last year I had nothing to lose and this year I have everything. I think that´s what scares me the most, that my life is so complete that losing it all would feel like the end of me.

I've found the best group of friends ever:
Valen, who is the most caring person I´ve ever met and who is extremely creative and fun.
Cielo, who has a shinning personality and a damn good attitude. Who is also caring and is there when I need her.
Laucha, who is matur when I need him to be, almost like an older brother. And also is like a little child full of joy and the one you can laugh away any of your pain.

And then there´s Him. Jeremy, The best damn boyfriend I could ever ask for. He is caring, loving, accepting and so freaking patient with every single mental breakdown I have. He makes me feel safe, and I wouldn´t change anything about him.

See? I have everything to lose and I shouldn´t think about it that way, or when or why I would lose it but... I still do think this way.

And yeah I have all of this but I also have plenty of negative voices in my head that fuck with me averyday, they make me feel not enough... just less than anyone and anything. And they bring up my cutting past in dangerous waves... everyday they are hitting stronger.

But I made a promise to me and to Jeremy, not to do it ever again but lately what stops me from It I´ts not myself, It´s for him. Which is not bad but I still feel like I let down myself. I feel dissapointed.

I guess time and therapy will get me out of this state I´m in.