I´m trying to be a perfect daughter, sister, best friend … Honestly, I´m trying to be the perfect girl next door - perfect body, perfect smile, perfect style
My parents want me to have good marks, to be a good child - to have a good reputation
They want me to be well-behaved, friendly, honest, polite, clever … They want to say proudly to others what a perfect daughter they have.
Well, I was or better told I pretended to be a perfect daughter for 16 years, I guess.
I always wanted to make my parents proud. To be the best in class, the prettiest and styled girl in town. I always wanted my parents to hear just positive comments about me. " She´s very polite and well-behaved. That must be a perfect daughter."
I was trying. Really hard. I didn´t want to disappoint the people around me. I didn´t want to disappoint my parents.
But now after 16 years I realized that I am not a perfect daughter and that life is really hard sometimes. Life isn´t a movie. High school is not even nearly how it is in that 0815 high school movies on TV. You can´t always be the best. You can´t even be good enough sometimes. Some days you are strong, some days you quit. Some days you look good and most of the days you look just well… let me call it how you don’t want to look like.
I have a little brother, well, I have two littles brother, but the elder one is not my favorite brother at all. Honestly, I don´t even talk about or with him. If someone is asking if I have brothers and sisters I say "Yes, I have a little brother" I love both, but I am not a perfect sister and that´s the problem. I want to be the best sister on earth, but I am not. I can’t help my pubescent brother. He is almost 13 years old. It hurts but we don´t really talk at all. After school he sits in his room and please don´t ask me what he is doing there ‘cause I don´t know and honestly I don´t even want to know what he is doing all day long. He is very closed. Every time I ask how he´s doing his answer is "Good and now leave my room" What should I do? Should I ignore him, or should I talk to him?

Once I have asked him if he’s in love with a girl… he totally freaked out and told me that that’s not my business. Maybe it´s normal to be cold and unfriendly at his age. But I have to be honest... It really hurts me and I think this is exactly the reason why I have removed this years that much from him. Once, like a year ago, he was not only my brother but also my best friend. Meanwhile I simply have the feeling that he sees me neither as a best friend, nor as a sister. I’m not a perfect sister , I know but thanks God for the second little brother. I love him about everything - I would not know what to do without him. My little prince becomes slowly bigger and bigger and therefore also the fear that he changes too. I don´t want to lose him so I am trying to be at least a perfect sister for him.
I´m not a perfect daughter or sister and I´m not a perfect friend.
I´m trying but I have to say that I´m not. I am the most strenuous, silliest and most irritating friend, moreover I talk like a waterfall. However, I always try to listen to my friend´s problems but I have to be honest.. I am often not even listening because I think too much about my own life and problems and if I rarely listen to them in the next moment I forget what they just said.
And I hate myself for this.
Maybe this is the reason why I don´t have many friends. I am an awful friend. Only a few stand my stupidity.
But I know one thing - I love my family and friends and I would die for them. For most of them.
Okay… and about boys - I am the worst girlfriend someone could ever have. All boys stand me maximum 1 month.
I don´t know exactly why...
Ok, maybe because I am changing my mood every 5 minutes, or because I say things I don´t mean in a such way, I´m very fast and often pissed off and I´m also extremely jealous. I’m not perfect.
The question is - Is there anyone who is perfect?
And what about the character? Everyone says that character is the most important and that´s true but be honest ... if someone is not looking good, you don´t even give this person a chance to show it´s character. Me personally, I have to change a lot to be perfect, but the question is: Do I even want to be perfect?
Life is hard. Life isn´t a movie on TV but life is beautiful. There are these little things that make you smile. Sometimes for a second, sometimes longer ...we just have to see them - life isn´t perfect - I am not perfect but to be honest, I don´t even want to be perfect anymore.
I’m a normal teenager. Small. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Sometimes shy. Sometimes too crazy. But I don’t care. I am who I am and I love myself just like I am