i choked on my sobs as you told me to forget about you.
how do you forget someone you considered home?
"you'll be home soon baby girl, i promise"
how could you promise such thing?
making them naive and empty promises from the start.
whenever your problems got to you, you always reminded me i made everything better.
what happened to those words now?
you never stopped me when i talked about the future we could have.
you should have.
you helped me build dreams only to see them crumble.
but i shouldn't be complaining, dreams are called dreams for a reason.
you cut out my eyes and filled me with lies.
you said words that would later cause harm and you promised promises that you knew were impossible.
these tears are hot on my cheeks and i have nail marks on my thighs from gripping them all night.
i feel like screaming.
now you're telling me i deserve better and that's tying knots in my stomach, because you're all i want.
i don't want better, i want you.
it's 4:44 am and i just received a text from you.
my eyes are bloodshot red from all my crying.
"i miss you" i read on the text.
i didn't want to sound like i would go back running to you, because dear boy, that's exactly what i would do.
what's sad is that there were so many possibilities that i had fallen in love with an idea.
and what was even sadder was that fact that i would throw away whatever lay on the palms of my hands just to be with you, an idea.
you seem to be doing fine without me now.
i want to move on extremely bad.
but i'm still hanging on to those empty promises and pretty lies.
i'm still hoping we cross paths once again in the future.
on lonely nights you're exactly what i'm missing.
you filled the holes in my skin.
you made me feel complete.
you made me feel as though you were all i needed.
but now you're gone.
now i have to rely on the words of boys i have no feelings for.
some nights i rely on the liquor to numb the pain and make me forget you.
but it does the exact opposite.
i can't help but wonder if we ever think of each other at the same time.
i hope we do.
i love you and i always will.
there are more words to be said but for now i leave it here.

-A.F