as a child
i used to think the world of you
you were my idol
and i emphasized all of our similarities
because i wanted to be just like you
then slowly
i started growing up
only to see
who you truly were
the person i idolized
weren't who you are
broke my heart
time after time
i feel so fucking guilty
for how i see you
because the good things
make the bad things
seem so impossible
even when
i know they are all but
i am so scared
to trust you
to be excited about you
because for once
i want to protect my heart
from the unavoidable sorrow
you will bring
and that
grows the guilt
more than anything
for i want to trust you
when i know i shouldn't
and yet
i could never truly hate you
after all
i always loved you