Everything that I have ever lived for ends up hurting my soul. Rather than fixing my broken wall, I keep it that way just so you can see me. I just want to be understood. There is no point in going on about my day if I don't trust. Yes, I let you in.

I have been in pain. And I told you the because-s.
I am read like a magazine. You understood me. You know. You know how to use my fear against me.

What sin have I committed? All I ever wanted to do is to trust, to love, to be honest, to save souls. I could be bullet proof but that wouldn't stop me from feeling the pain of you stabbing me. You can show me how fragile you are and I will save you only to find out that it drowns me in a blue sea of emotions.

I broke my self-built shell and showed you who I was, simply because you wanted to know me. I showed you the definition of me.
You knew.
You messed around with that and you added more definitions to me. You are but everything that defines me. You break me a little more.

Now, I am a hideous paradox. I don't care about what losing "friends" but I care about losing you.
I love being alone, but I am afraid of not having you by my side.
I hate the world, but you are my world.
I want to be by your side but I am afraid of wanting to be so.
To my misery, you are the remedy, but I don't want me to want you.
We were nothing but we were everything in my self-imagined special bonds.