A few days ago, I've realized that my usual self has fallen apart. I'm sick of being someone that always believe that people can change, investing a small hope into them that they will get better. I'm sick of always acting like I'm okay, that words aren't hurting me every day. But she was there for me, showing me that I'm enough and I don't have to be someone that sucks up all those words and walk away, writing me a letter telling me how beautiful I am. Now every time I read that letter, I couldn't help but smile. Her reassurance touched my heart that nobody has ever done anything like that for me, her courage brings me to hope that the world is full of adventures, her care for me gives me happiness that I can get through whatever is in my head.
All I want is to hug her tight, give her all my love and care, never letting go of her. It breaks me that she is afraid to tear down her wall when it comes to being strong. I want her to relax and know that it is okay to be soft and vulnerable. We are all humans. It is okay to have emotions and you have the right to share it with the world.
I am hopelessly falling for her, but I know that she wouldn't be mine. When I see her coming to my side, I couldn't help but be happy. She would look at me in such a way that melts my heart. Every compliment given by her makes my day bits by bits. Nothing can be compared with her genuinity, the way she looks at me when I call her beautiful. The way she always covers her face when she feels embarrassed and touched. Those tiny things about her I just can't help to notice.
She might not be the brightest, she might not be the best at communicating with her emotions and thoughts. But she is so precious, her protectiveness over someone she cares about, makes me wish I can be that person one day. I wish I could tell her that I won't feel sad that she doesn't like me that way, I wish I could ignore our kiss and move on to our lives, I wish I could be happy when she belongs to someone else. But I can't, she is the first person that makes me realize that she can potentially be my savior. She is the first to make me feel butterflies in my body when she touches me, stroking my hand and giving me such hopeful words.
I am so close to confessing my feelings, so close to bursting out all the confusions I feel when I'm with her. She will always have a special place in my heart, as feelings always stay no matter what circumstances it brings. Whoever gets her one day, will be winning a lottery ticket. And that person will never be me.