With the year coming to a close in only two months, i feel the need to create something that speaks about not only my experience with myself this year, but with the the experiences others might have had with themselves, too. Primarily, those of us who support bts.

This entire year of supporting bts has made me dig deeply into myself in ways I simply wouldn't if I hadn't known who they were. The Love Yourself storyline (if thats what we'd call it) has touched me in a way no other thing has ever. Here's how.

I do not find myself to be pleasant. I do not look in the mirror and enjoy what I see. I do not do something with the hope of it being great because truthfully i find everything I do to be fruitless attempts at what someone, anyone, can do better. I make one mistake and cling to it for the rest of the week, month, hell, even season.

Living like this is like constantly walking on nails. You can't move because it hurts, but somehow not moving is so much worse. You hope to not create any new wounds but continue to let old ones bleed, and bleed, and bleed. Nothing feels good.

Bts did not in any way cure these insecurities of mine, but they did ease the pain. They let me know that to be human is to let yourself make mistakes, and to grow is to learn from misfortunes. It's to put yourself first and acknowledge the fact that you matter. you are important. you deserve everything you allow everyone else to have.

I don't know....there's so much that goes unsaid. We talk about how great the message is but do some of us even actually understand what it's saying? Though, a message is always up for interpretation by the audience, here's what I believe theirs is saying:

You deserve everything you want. You can have it. Take It. Do not allow your own fears and low esteem to make you prisoner. Do not let your admiration for someone you love hold you back. No one can live your life quite like you can, so live it.