A long time ago, I learned that most of the relationships in our life just end. Some end in tears, some in a fight and the saddest ones, end without the words. We constantly seek for that one who will stay, even when we don’t admit it, but we are also living in a time where most of the relationships burn out.

It feels utterly cruel living with that kind of knowing and having to accept it, especially at a young age when you know that there are so many new loves waiting for you. So, someone would ask ’What’s the problem then? Love always comes around, but that’s the problem’. It keeps coming, but it also keeps going. We just crash and burn. A heartbreak after a heartbreak. Honestly, at this point, it seems to me like love is a Sisyphus work, and after you’re done with it, you always end up with sore eyes, that awful feeling in your throat and a heart that’s less able to open up again.

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It’s funny. I used to write texts about recoveries, and I actually hated that unavoidable cliche character in every tv show or a movie, a character that is incapable of opening up again because it’s been hurt over and over again. I guess I have turned into every cliche I hated and I wonder if there should be more studies about what does the emotional damage does to a person.

When every bond that you had with someone breaks, you ask yourself what’s the point of getting letting someone in your life again. We all know about that wise sentence about being fooled twice. So, am I a full if I am ready to expose myself again, and most probably get burned just to be happy for a while? At one point you get sick of that repeating story. First comes infatuation, you don’t eat, you are being fed with love. You trust each other or so it seems, everything seems possible just because that fire is giving you the strength. But in the end, that same fire burns you so much that you wonder was it even worth it. The two of you turn into complete strangers and it’s like yesterday you were breathing one another. Suddenly, you are left without air, feeling like a junky trying to recover.

I used to be happy for a while, after the most painful heartbreak in my life. Honestly, truly happy. Working, studying, improving myself, being surrounded by friends. Just enjoying my freedom, enormous possibilities and knowing that no one can hurt me because I am alone. Then, even though I didn’t want it someone new walked in my life. And he is all that I used to want. We have a weird sense of humor, we laugh and talk too much and we are so laidback together. That is exactly what triggered me to write this. That is not enough for me. The possibility of being happy with him fades compared to the possibility of being torn and burnt again. I just feel too damaged, emotionally empty and incapable of risking my sanity and stability. It took me too much time to feel good again, to find joy in ordinary things after the last one.

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Now I wonder. Is there a limit of how many times you can simply get over a heartbreak and jump into the fire again? Is there a point after which our souls and hearts simply cannot take it anymore? Do we ever get that damaged that we can’t love again? I want to be brave again, I want to risk again even if I will feel only a glimpse of love. I wish, oh... I wish so much that somebody can tell me with certainty that there is love after so many heartbreaks. I want to believe again that there is love for each of us that will stay against everything, a love that heals and makes you whole again.

This article was written by @FireBomb93 on the We Heart It Writers Team