~Hello my bookies ✨

Quote of the moment

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."
- Oscar Wilde

No talent

Sometimes I feel like I have no talent
The lie: Sometimes
I think I'm talented in thinking, thinking about anything, but that's not gonna get me anywhere in life
The lie: I think
I used to swim, I was really good till I choked in the East London finals relay... thats why I stopped competing.
The lie: Thats why i stopped
I kept on trying to prove to everyone I have what it takes, it became a never ending battle of making sure everyone saw what I saw in myself. When I failed everyone at that competition... I never trusted myself ever again.
The lie: Trying
I thought I was talented in writing. I got 7/7 in IB Higher level Language & Literature
...till a new teacher came and now all i get is 4's
The lie: I was talented
Creativity is my forte. Conceptualising is my favourite thing to do and i'd like to think I'm good at it, but thats not enough. I need to be exceptionally good for it to be recognised as a talent.
The lie: but that's not enough
I love reading. Maybe that's a talent. At this point I've given up trying to find what I'm good at. Its easier being mediocre at everything, than being exceptionally good at one thing.
The lie: being mediocre
Ignoring the things I'm good at, became a habit. Having control over what I get to be good at felt powerful.
The lie: became a habit.
Making sure people remembered me for what I used to be good at, and making sure their memory was not tainted by my failures...was all I aimed for. When I hear them remember how talented I was at swimming or piano or writing, without realising I'm actually a failure...it felt like I won, because I was scared of seeing the disappointment flood their eyes and their pride and joy disappear
The lie: because i was scared
The feeling of failing everyone paralyses me. Knowing people believed in me, had expectations of me, looked up to me, cheered for me and yet...I failed everyone. I couldn't face that feeling ever again, so i stopped trying my hardest. That way, it could be my escape, my excuse for not making them proud. In a twisted way, I rather fail on purpose and see them disappointed, than try my hardest, fail and see them disappointed. The difference is, I expect the outcome. When you expect the outcome and it happens, its a relief, you've won, you beat nature to it.
The lie: failing everyone
The truth: failing myself
Bᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ʟɪᴇꜱ, ʟɪᴇꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ.
ᴏɴʟʏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪꜱ ᴛʀᴜᴇ
Pɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀ:
❝ Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ I ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴛʜᴀᴛꜱ ᴡʜʏ I ꜱᴛᴏᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ. I ᴡᴀꜱ ᴛᴀʟᴇɴᴛᴇᴅ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ. Bᴇɪɴɢ ᴍᴇᴅɪᴏᴄʀᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ʜᴀʙɪᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ɪ ᴡᴀꜱ ꜱᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴏғ ғᴀɪʟɪɴɢ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟғ ❞
Image by Sᴏᴛᴇ Image by Sᴏᴛᴇ
Image by Sᴏᴛᴇ

⇢ Thanks for 100 followers, i love you guys honestly!! 💕✨

⇢ For those like me, I hope you all find self-love, self-worth and self-confidence and know that you can vent to me all you like coz like I'm literally in the same boat as you.

⇢ GO LISTEN TO Love myself by BTS and Epiphany!! Its like your dose of self love for the day.